insomnia

insomnia is something i pretend i'm suffering from to give me an excuse to not go to bed. i'm absolutely shattered but my mind is still ticking on like a little clock, so i figured i'd blog because i don't want this to get neglected before i get started. in fact that's going to be one of my new year's resolutions, along with the following:

1) actually lose weight, or at least eat healthily. i can't believe i'm the heaviest i've been for all of 2008 and i'm going on holiday next week. this makes me very frustrated. yes i know as "modern self-empowered woman" i shouldn't care about wobbly bits but danggg i wanted to look good in a bikini.
2) not smoke again. okay i'm hardly a smoker anyway, but it's a slippery slope and i don't want my "good private school girl" image to completely die out on me. i don't want to disappoint my parents anymore than i've already done over the past 12 months, so my having-a-drag-when-someone-offers habit is stopping officially.
3) keep in touch with old friends, looking at old pictures of the gang circa 2006 made me realize that even though i fully love and want babies with all the new friends i've made at college you can't just ignore ones you've left behind. people like emily and owen live literally 5 minutes away and yet i see them once in a blue moon which makes me sad.

last december i made a list of 100 things i wanted to do before the year is out, i think in the new year i'll copy and paste them in and see how far i got. something's telling me not very, but i know i did a lot of fun and productive stuff in 2008 which hopefully made up for it. the year's ended pretty much, and although it would be nice to say i've grown and matured as a person, i don't think i have. possibly i'm slightly less self obsessed and bitchy, but even that's stretching it. i live in hope of one day becoming something like one of my heroines, because mr darcy was never going to settle for caroline bingley over elizabeth bennett.

whitby tomorrow for a day with the parents and another best girl, Liv. I haven't seen her for a little while so i'm tres excited about spending the day wandering round little vintage shops and climbing the 199 steps. whitby is absolutely one of my favourite places- SO much more enjoyable than chavvy scarborough so it should be a good day out. i also like long car journeys- it gives me the chance to find songs on my iPod that i didn't realize i had and to watch beautiful yorkshire scenery out of the window.

i'm feeling the stirrings in me to write another poem, it's been ages since i wrote one. the last one was the best i've ever written, totally cathartic at the time, although it's far too personal to post. however that was way back in the murky summer so for all i know my creative spark has died out.

so i figure at the moment i'm writing to no one in particular, so i'm going to put this address as my facebook status, even though this blog looks dull and boring and is nowhere near ready for general viewing. ah well, one must start somewhere. i've actually found writing this to be nice and sleep inducing so i'll take my leave and retire! a bientot, victoria x