"mr bennett, you have no compassion for my poor nerves!"

so yes, stress. over the past few days/weeks/whatever, i've been suffering with that particular problem. now don't get me wrong, it's not a depressing kind of stress, more the kind that makes you want to punch something and go 'AAAAAARGH'. i'm not usually prone to tears at all but i had a bit of a crying fit with mother-dearest the other night because i have to let out all this stressful angry energy sometimes.

what is the reason for this newfound stresshead? i really just don't know, it isn't like me at all to be overly paranoid and cross and basically 'rawwwwwwwwwh!'. a lot of it is down to work, it's just hit me recently that i have big bad exams in what, eight weeks? or something equally ridiculous, and i know nothing. the only subject i am confident of passing with a really good mark is le francais, six months of slacking off in english lit and not even trying to comprehend history has done me no favours, i fear. don't get me started on theatre- six weeks to pull together an entire show is an extremely daunting prospect and if we fail miserably i'm going to be very bitter. however, i have great confidence in my fellow thespians that we will do ourselves proud. i've decided that as of now i am blowing my stresses away on a cloud. it's time for me to remember that the world isn't going to end if things go slightly pear-shaped, and that i can use my inner genius to pass all my exams with flying colours and get a full scholarship to oxbridge and become a nobel peace prize winner and marry stephen fry. that'd be fun.

wednesday nights are pretty much my favourite thing in the whole world right now, waterloo road/gossip girl fest, oh yes. i shall be quite desolate when the series finish. i'm paticularly enjoying waterloo road right now, maxine's death, cry cry. i knew it was coming, but still *weeps*. and then after my tv fest i'm going to read some more anna karenina, which i'm totally hearting so far, it's like pride and prej but russian which makes it all exotic and wow. i wish i was a russian princess like kitty. princess victoriana finyani. i think my natural regal grace is going to waste sometimes, i was obv born to sit on a throne.

speaking of thrones, i saw the young victoria on saturday. i loved it, it was historically accurate, gorgeous costumes, emily blunt and rupert friend had amazing onscreen chemistry so it basically ticked all the 'perfect period drama' boxes. i've actually never been a big 'victorian' person, but i've been doing a bit of background reading since watching the film and i'm finding all quite interesting. they may take over the tudors as my reigning historical obsession, god knows i'm sick to bloody death of cardinal wolsey and his crappy little treaty of london. i am going to fail history and it makes me sad. such is life.

lent is also going well, it is almost three weeks since i touched the demon drop and i feel like a much healthier, cleaner person- almost a new me, you could say. well okay, that's a lie, but i do like the fact that i'm doing something actually challenging and i'm determined to stick it out. alcohol plays a big part in nearly every social event i find myself at, and it's strange to be saying 'no thank you' instead of 'yes please!' but at least i'm not making a tit of myself all the time. well no, i still am making a tit of myself all the time, but at least i can remember it. whether this is better or worse remains to be seen!

anyway i can almost hear the chimes of waterloo road beginning so i shall love you and leave you. i feel calmer for writing my stresses down actually, it's a good job, because i was getting so stressed i was almost at the point of explosion. and whilst seeing me spotaneously combust would probably be very amusing, it could be slightly painful. for me anyway.

vic x