when i grew down.

okay so last night equalled major gigglefest. i found my old diary from when i was twelve and it's full of the most cringeworthy, cliched rubbish, you would not believe. i actually can't believe i was so stupid, some of the things i wrote actually nearly made me pee with laughter. so i thought i'd share a couple of the highlights for anyone interested- names have been changed to protect the innocent!

"it was my surprise party today. it was brilliant- the whole year was there. i almost cried when they presented me with my birthday present- a stuffed squirrel."
"OMG JAKE ACTUALLY SPOKE TO ME TODAY. i was sat on the bus writing on the window and he asked me what I was doing. SQUEALLLL!"
"Jake+Vicky=happy Vicky :) Jake-Vicky=sad Vicky :("
"i think sam is perty fit. but he's got jessica. bet she's a fucking bitch."
"i've not been myself the past couple of days, i've had a really bad stomach ache. i hope it's not meningitis."
"i would gladly live a life without boyfriends if it meant having my cat back"
"well it finally happened! alex kissed me! but now he's going out with alice. am so confused, but MY FIRST KISS. it wasn't very nice, he was all rough and i didn't feel special at all. but i am still absolutley INFATUATED."
"chris u were fine, wish u were mine, but u went and fucked off, U BORING DRIPPY TOFF!"
(i believe the above is my first ever poem... well you have to start somewhere!)

i moved through crushes and friends so quickly back then, a lot of the names mean hardly anything to me now except for maybe a fleeting memory. i even kept a list in the back of my diary of who i fancied and was friends with every month (which i won't post because some of the names are excrutiatingly embarrassing!). but it's actually nice to look back and see how much i've changed, and to be able to laugh about it. things seemed so horrible and complicated back then but now i realize that really i had the ordinary problems of any new teenage girl. but then, i expect in five years time i'll look back on this blog (if it's still floating around cyberspace) and think 'god i was a pretentious little twat who believed the whole world revolved round me'. i guess it's all relative and you learn more about yourself and the world the older you get. still, i'd love to meet my twelve year old self, just for a day, so i could laugh at her and give her a hug and promise her that things will get a hell of a lot better, but they'll never stop being complicated.

quick blog plug- my ubercool friend ben has started a blog, it's www.liesofthecity.blogspot.com. he's a lovely boy who plays the cello. i remember once my brother hacked into my msn and asked him out for me, that made things awkward for a few days haha. and then my beautiful facebook wife/husband (gender issues there) miss bee henshaw has also started a blog, because i begged her to. her's is www.aviolaisjustforchristmas.blogspot.com. so check them both out if you have a minute :)

anyway! it's maman's birthday and we're going out for pizza and i really need to figure out what to wear, i'm thinking blue sweater and gold and black metallic skirt, but hmmm!
a bientot, victoria x