hello pizzaface

ZITS. ARE. EVIL. here i am, complacently peaches and cream when suddenly my whole life comes crashing down as i look in the mirror and see one of those beasts on my forehead, raw red, shiny, just popped up to say hello to the world and make a nuisance of itself. time to dig out the old witch hazel. this is what you get, victoria, for not sticking to a decent skincare routine. i'm ditching the cleansing wipes in favour of some lovely sensitive skin lush cleanser. my skin is certainly feeling sensitive now :(

so today, certainly nothing out of the ordinary (not that my days ever really are!). i really like my outfit today, normally i am my biggest fashion critic but i think my peach topshop dominoes vest+grey anchor cardigan+leggings+pearls+black lace ups are totally channelling 80s dancer chic. not too bad considering i didn't get up until ten past seven and had to leg it for the bus, adam following me closely (anyone from the monk fryston/hillam area will know how traumatic this can be.). it's flipping cold out, but there's something lovely about being tucked up into my duvet knowing that other poor souls are freezing outside. is that too sadistic? i can't be "too nice" all the time! (if someone told me a year ago people would be describing me as "too nice" i would literally LOL in their face. i guess college really has changed me. i actually look back in utter shame at some of things i used to do... but i guess that's a story for another day.)

got the ball rolling for my travelling plan as well last night. i've decided to go on french work experience with acorn educational in the summer. this means i'll be jetting away for a week with a group of students from all over the country, to an as yet unknown city in france to do work experience. the whole prospect is a little bit daunting, but beyond exciting as well. if i go through with it (and i'm determined to!) it'll be the most independant, challenging thing i've ever done. but i feel like i need these experiences. in just over a year and a half i'll be at university in some far flung corner of the country, and i can't live in my mum and dad's pockets forever.

just been browsing postsecret, i'd forgotten about it in my little "no internet" blip, it was good to catch up. one secret really struck a chord with me, it said "i don't have the time to read all the books i think i should to make me a better person". now my close friends know about my literary troubles at the moment, i feel really stupid for not being able to understand the classics and even worse for not enjoying them. i think i have to bear in mind i'm only seventeen and i'm trying to read books that even academics find challenging. i read about three pages of madame bovary last night before falling asleep, it just couldn't hold my attention, but i REALLY want to finish it. i'd hate to have to say i gave up the "second most perfect book in existance" because i found it boring. maybe i'm destined to read trashy danielle steele for the rest of my life and write a six hundred page stonking bonkbuster. i wish i was as intelligent and sure of myself as everyone else thinks i seem to be. i realized last night how crap i am at french as well, my friend lloyd told me we should talk in french to help us with our exams (i'm AS, he's A2) and he was just so much better than me and i was making these stupid, crappy year 9 mistakes, urgh. i wish i had just one talent, one thing i could show off to the world and say "hey! i can do this! look at me!". instead i resort to my loudness and reasonable amount of wit to see me through with people. i'm scared that one day i'll be exposed as this big fake. who knew that gustave flaubert and his stupid, too difficult book, could make me feel this way?!

reading a couple of sylvia plath poems in the library today calmed me down though. i've decided i'm going to buy my own copy of ariel so i can scribble my ideas all over it. her poetry is so accessible to me, i love it, even though it is dark and gloomy and slit-yer-wrists depressing. i read w h auden's funeral blues last night as well, it seemed familiar and then i remembered four weddings and a funeral. but anyway the poem almost made me cry. you should look it up.

fajitas for tea, mmmm. as i said to amy, i could eat mexican for tea every night. nachos mmm. SALSA DIP MMMMM. being a greedy little shite is such fun. i'd hate to deprive myself of my favourites. sure i might have a little belly instead of the flat one i've secretly always lusted after, but its a small price to pay for foody goodness.. mmm. food. oh god. i am homer simpson.

so i'm determined to make 2009 a good year for finding music, as i got a bit lazy with this in 2008. i've started my campaign well, so this is a heads up for everyone to check out alessi's ark on myspace, and los campesinos!'s new album 'we are beautiful, we are doomed' which is a work of total indie purity. alessi's ark has the potential to become the new jose vanders in my heart, she's very marling-esque and just very pretty really. so give them a listen and let me know what you think. also fallen a bit in love with the cure thanks to gracie posting some lyrics on her blog. limewire is a good boy to me.

so i can smell my fajitas sizzling, i'll leave you all (yes, all three of you) to enjoy whatever you're having for tea. please don't be fish and chips. or i'd be a very jealous girl.

a bientot, victoria x

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.