make lemonade ;)
okay, so suffice to say, summer really hasn't got off to the best possible start this year for me. however, being an eternal optimist (and not to mention, a very strong person, when i need to be) i've managing to find the silver linings to the blackest cloud i have had for a while. everything happens for a reason, as one door closes, another opens, yadda yadda yadda. suffice to say, it's not been the best week of my existance, or one that i'll look back on with happiness. however, i really do think these kind of experiences are the ones that build you into a much stronger person. life really is too short to live with regrets, and in the past four months i really have had none :) and i know i will always look back on that short period of my life and smile.
enough of the emo angst (god knows i've had enough of it!), now for the fun stuff. and despite everything, there has been a lot of fun stuff. last night we did the now traditional 'getting hammered in york' shebang. which involved us being kicked out of two places (dusk and pitcher and piano) and having to sneak round the back of the other two (lowther and vodka revs.) oh the joys of being a non-ID-carrying seventeen year old. i literally cannot wait for my birthday. only two months to go now, and i still haven't decided on if i'm even going to bother having a party. although i really think i should. i just need to think of a decent venue. my dad wants to hire out the bluebell in the village (aka, local drinking establishment of fourteen year olds, aka the place where without fail i am accosted by old men/friends of my dad/men who think rubbing stuffed deers on my leg is the way to my heart). naturally i have veto'd this idea entirely. i'm thinking of a classy do somewhere, but i have no idea where. then there is the whole guestlist/what shall i wear?/where should everyone stay? kerfuffle. too much for my head to deal with right now, or i might actually explode.
the whole turning eighteen thing makes me think a lot about the end of childhood, to be fair. whilst i don't expect to wake up on september 26th and feel like a different person, in a way, i really feel like i have grown up more over the past year. it's been a whirlwind actually, and i still can't believe that this time last year, i didn't know the amazing people that i do now. not returning to the girls' high in september was the best decision i've ever made really, instead of being the pretentious almost-rah that i was threatening to come, i feel like i've become someone who, if not always likeable, at least bearable ;). i still make stupid decisions and i still have days where i wake up and look in the mirror and think urrrrgh, but on the whole i'm a much more balanced and confident person. and it really is the people who've walked into my life this year who have enabled that, so if any of you arseholes has stopped smoking/drinking yourselves into oblivion long enough to read this, then thank you :)
but yes, i've decided i'm going to compile a list of my eighteen favourite memories from childhood, a little bit closer to my birthday. something tells me most of them will involve me doings things i really shouldn't have done (memories of throwing up all over pete cronin in wetherspoons etc...), but on the whole, i've been a pretty good girl methinks.
right, enough of my semi-philosophical ramblings. i need to go straighten my hair. the mushroom is in bad shape right now.
victoria x
Sunday 26 July 2009
Friday 15 May 2009
god's moving about his furniture.
friday night and for the first time this year i think, we have a thunderstorm. this makes me very happy, i love nasty weather when i'm all snug as bug in my tattiest h&m jumper. everyone seems to be doing something tonight, the friends are watching a sketch show in town, the boyfriend is gallivanting about the harry potter film set and rubbing shoulders with the stars, even my parents are out on the lash somewhere. the only company i have is the dog, but actually it's nice to get some 'me-time'. i've been so busy and stressed what with exams and everything that it makes a real change to be able to have the luxury of sitting and writing about myself for quarter of an hour as etta james serenades me. aaaaah.
so, i've got AS theatre studies under my belt now, finally. what grade at remains to be seen i suppose, but at least it's done and dusted. i'd like to say no harm done, but unfortunatly my lovely friend shuna managed to stab her foot with a pitchfork in our performance. blood everywhere. my infamous vom nearly made an appearence actually, but the show must go on i suppose. i didn't really enjoy the play we performed actually- i found it rather boring, both to act and to watch. the gestus didn't really come through, which was a disappointment, but to be honest i'm just relieved that it's over and i never have to think about 'fear and misery in the third reich' ever again.
i feel like i should do something constructive. the urge to write a poem is getting stronger, which is good. i've not written anything decent in ages, the last one was a shitty ditty about how happy my friends and random walks into york make me. but it had no substance or real emotion to it and it felt as if i was making up random imagery for the sake of it. i genuinely don't think i've ever been happier than i am now- i have the best friends possible, i'm with someone amazing and it's nearly summer. however all this happiness does not make for good poetry it seems! maybe i can only write about depressing things. all my best poems have been written in times of turmoil, however right now i'm about as far from depression as possible (touch wood). i won't complain too much, if it's a choice between happiness and creative genius then i'll pick a day with harri in museum gardens followed by a night on the lash with the fold any day of the week, thank you very much.
so i feel like i've written enough for now, i'm gently weaning myself back into the world of blogging ;). nanight boys and girls- the ones who are still reading this! :)
x
ps there's no food in the house- tea tonight for me has been a cucumber.
so, i've got AS theatre studies under my belt now, finally. what grade at remains to be seen i suppose, but at least it's done and dusted. i'd like to say no harm done, but unfortunatly my lovely friend shuna managed to stab her foot with a pitchfork in our performance. blood everywhere. my infamous vom nearly made an appearence actually, but the show must go on i suppose. i didn't really enjoy the play we performed actually- i found it rather boring, both to act and to watch. the gestus didn't really come through, which was a disappointment, but to be honest i'm just relieved that it's over and i never have to think about 'fear and misery in the third reich' ever again.
i feel like i should do something constructive. the urge to write a poem is getting stronger, which is good. i've not written anything decent in ages, the last one was a shitty ditty about how happy my friends and random walks into york make me. but it had no substance or real emotion to it and it felt as if i was making up random imagery for the sake of it. i genuinely don't think i've ever been happier than i am now- i have the best friends possible, i'm with someone amazing and it's nearly summer. however all this happiness does not make for good poetry it seems! maybe i can only write about depressing things. all my best poems have been written in times of turmoil, however right now i'm about as far from depression as possible (touch wood). i won't complain too much, if it's a choice between happiness and creative genius then i'll pick a day with harri in museum gardens followed by a night on the lash with the fold any day of the week, thank you very much.
so i feel like i've written enough for now, i'm gently weaning myself back into the world of blogging ;). nanight boys and girls- the ones who are still reading this! :)
x
ps there's no food in the house- tea tonight for me has been a cucumber.
Saturday 4 April 2009
there is a light and it never goes out
blog neglect alert. i am a bad boy. real life is again catching up with me, and added to this i've been suffering from copious writer's block. so the online ramblings have been taking a back seat recently, however, i think it's time i made a return.
so yeah times have been lovely and shiny and happy these past few weeks. it's a combination of a lot of things- the nice weather always perks me up, and i've realized recently how lucky i am to have the friends i do (and i have to say, the new facebook relationship status is making me grin a fair bit as well ;) ). i feel like i've found a group of people i can trust a million percent, and i love it. unfortunatly, newfound strong friendships can put a strain on those which have been around for a lot longer. sometimes, it feels like the bonds fade from not seeing eachother enough, and it's easy for paranoia to set in. harsh words are a lot more easily exchanged over msn or on the phone than they are face-to-face and there's been times where i've felt like i've come close to losing three of the most important people to me altogether. i hope all three of them- they know who they are- know how much i still adore them, even if i can't show it as often as i'd like to.
god this is bad, i'm actually running out of things to say already. ummmm. have i read anything new? no. not really. have i listened to any good music? ooh. fleet foxes are a bit yummy and relaxing. and i like peter d's new album as well. although not as much as the libertines. but that's par for the course. i still wish they were headlining leeds fest, although i'm pleased with the headliners. arctic monkeys=love actually, although i think that's the same with any remotely 'indie' (SORRY FOR USING THAT WORD, PLEASE BURN ME AT THE STAKE) person. i saw last shadow puppets last year and they kicked absolute arse, so i know the monkeys won't disappoint, and we'll all be looking good on the dancefloor (see what i did there?). radiohead are a band i've never really listened to, so i'm going to try to get into them. i know of their complete legendary status so i'm confident i'll like them. and kings of leon are the sexiest band known to man, so that'll be good larks. i'm actually looking forward to it so much already. i know everyone's like 'it's at the end of august!' but last year it rolled around so quickly, i know we'll be sat outside our tents getting drunk on cheap cider in no time. BOLLLLLLLLOCKS!
hair dying time. imma going for my normal auburn shade, so nothing exciting. just about as exciting as this blog. sorry guys. i am a thick shit with nothing to say. oh my god that reminds me of one of my emo diary entries circa 2005 'i am an empty shell who does not deserve a name'. oh viki, you were a troubled soul.
so yeah times have been lovely and shiny and happy these past few weeks. it's a combination of a lot of things- the nice weather always perks me up, and i've realized recently how lucky i am to have the friends i do (and i have to say, the new facebook relationship status is making me grin a fair bit as well ;) ). i feel like i've found a group of people i can trust a million percent, and i love it. unfortunatly, newfound strong friendships can put a strain on those which have been around for a lot longer. sometimes, it feels like the bonds fade from not seeing eachother enough, and it's easy for paranoia to set in. harsh words are a lot more easily exchanged over msn or on the phone than they are face-to-face and there's been times where i've felt like i've come close to losing three of the most important people to me altogether. i hope all three of them- they know who they are- know how much i still adore them, even if i can't show it as often as i'd like to.
god this is bad, i'm actually running out of things to say already. ummmm. have i read anything new? no. not really. have i listened to any good music? ooh. fleet foxes are a bit yummy and relaxing. and i like peter d's new album as well. although not as much as the libertines. but that's par for the course. i still wish they were headlining leeds fest, although i'm pleased with the headliners. arctic monkeys=love actually, although i think that's the same with any remotely 'indie' (SORRY FOR USING THAT WORD, PLEASE BURN ME AT THE STAKE) person. i saw last shadow puppets last year and they kicked absolute arse, so i know the monkeys won't disappoint, and we'll all be looking good on the dancefloor (see what i did there?). radiohead are a band i've never really listened to, so i'm going to try to get into them. i know of their complete legendary status so i'm confident i'll like them. and kings of leon are the sexiest band known to man, so that'll be good larks. i'm actually looking forward to it so much already. i know everyone's like 'it's at the end of august!' but last year it rolled around so quickly, i know we'll be sat outside our tents getting drunk on cheap cider in no time. BOLLLLLLLLOCKS!
hair dying time. imma going for my normal auburn shade, so nothing exciting. just about as exciting as this blog. sorry guys. i am a thick shit with nothing to say. oh my god that reminds me of one of my emo diary entries circa 2005 'i am an empty shell who does not deserve a name'. oh viki, you were a troubled soul.
Wednesday 18 March 2009
queen of the geordies
okay guys, time to come clean. i've been suffering with hairy feet for some time now and with the support of those nearest and dearest to me i've been able to confront my insecurites and display my tootsies with pride. the hair is here to stay, i think it just adds to my already ravishing beauty...the past few days have been a lot better and considerably more stress-free, thank goodness. even though work is still burning on my mind, i'm learning to accept the fact that i might not receive the four As that i always assumed were guarenteed. i'm hoping i do my very best, i know that by the end of my gcses i had completley run out of steam and didn't perform as well as i could/should have. however i have genuine motivation to keep me going- the prospect of newcastle for which i will need at the very least AAB will hopefully make sure that i get my arse in gear and work. saying that, right now i should be preparing for my mock french oral tomorrow and i'm not, so... :/. however, it's hard to be totally stressed out when for once, everything else in life seems to be going just absolutley right and i've been all smiley, for various reasons.
one of those reasons is that today finally felt like the first day of spring. now i think that england is the most beautiful place in the world throughout all the seasons- each one has something to offer, even winter when everything is cold and dead. but spring is really special, everything feels so alive and new, fresh beginnings and all that. today the sun was shining, the daffodils were out in full force and we sat on the lawn outside college and had a very mini picnic and i just thought, this is the life! i hope the good weather continues, i'm not a 'cold wrap up warm' person at all, i can't wait for the long lazy summer.
oxbridge conference yesterday up in newcastle. becca drove me there and back, and at first i was slightly nervous as i didn't know her well at all, however we totally hit it off straight away and had a brilliant road trip, involving mcdonalds and cheesy music and getting lost around newcastle trying to find a piercing studio. i'm seriously considering getting a nose stud, but i'm terrified i'll look all common, i might do a little survey tomorrow to find out what people think of them haha. i watched becca get her industrial done, and i have to say, just looking at a needle made me feel slightly ill. however, one has to suffer in the name of fashion i suppose. it's funny how i travelled all the way to newcastle for an oxbridge conference and ended up falling in love with the city itself. it seemed so cosmopolitan and the people so friendly, whereas the students and tutors from oxbridge seemed almost cold and clinicial. i know i can't be happy in a place where work will always, always come first and for that reason i've decided oxbridge definitly isn't for me and i'm not going to waste a UCAS place applying. (not that i'd get in anyway). the parents are thrilled by this decision, espcially my 'inverted snob' dad who hates jack wills/ugg culture almost as much as i do. i think they'd already guessed that i would decide that oxbridge wasn't for me, and they want me to stay close to home. hopefully if i can get in somewhere like newcastle, it'll be the best of both worlds.
anyway i'm rather tired and i really should prepare for the french oral tomorrow and try to get just a little bit of sleep- i'm running low on slumber time at the moment- so i will bid adieu. 'parting is such sweet sorrow' as darling chris would say.
victoria x
Wednesday 11 March 2009
"mr bennett, you have no compassion for my poor nerves!"
so yes, stress. over the past few days/weeks/whatever, i've been suffering with that particular problem. now don't get me wrong, it's not a depressing kind of stress, more the kind that makes you want to punch something and go 'AAAAAARGH'. i'm not usually prone to tears at all but i had a bit of a crying fit with mother-dearest the other night because i have to let out all this stressful angry energy sometimes.
what is the reason for this newfound stresshead? i really just don't know, it isn't like me at all to be overly paranoid and cross and basically 'rawwwwwwwwwh!'. a lot of it is down to work, it's just hit me recently that i have big bad exams in what, eight weeks? or something equally ridiculous, and i know nothing. the only subject i am confident of passing with a really good mark is le francais, six months of slacking off in english lit and not even trying to comprehend history has done me no favours, i fear. don't get me started on theatre- six weeks to pull together an entire show is an extremely daunting prospect and if we fail miserably i'm going to be very bitter. however, i have great confidence in my fellow thespians that we will do ourselves proud. i've decided that as of now i am blowing my stresses away on a cloud. it's time for me to remember that the world isn't going to end if things go slightly pear-shaped, and that i can use my inner genius to pass all my exams with flying colours and get a full scholarship to oxbridge and become a nobel peace prize winner and marry stephen fry. that'd be fun.
wednesday nights are pretty much my favourite thing in the whole world right now, waterloo road/gossip girl fest, oh yes. i shall be quite desolate when the series finish. i'm paticularly enjoying waterloo road right now, maxine's death, cry cry. i knew it was coming, but still *weeps*. and then after my tv fest i'm going to read some more anna karenina, which i'm totally hearting so far, it's like pride and prej but russian which makes it all exotic and wow. i wish i was a russian princess like kitty. princess victoriana finyani. i think my natural regal grace is going to waste sometimes, i was obv born to sit on a throne.
speaking of thrones, i saw the young victoria on saturday. i loved it, it was historically accurate, gorgeous costumes, emily blunt and rupert friend had amazing onscreen chemistry so it basically ticked all the 'perfect period drama' boxes. i've actually never been a big 'victorian' person, but i've been doing a bit of background reading since watching the film and i'm finding all quite interesting. they may take over the tudors as my reigning historical obsession, god knows i'm sick to bloody death of cardinal wolsey and his crappy little treaty of london. i am going to fail history and it makes me sad. such is life.
lent is also going well, it is almost three weeks since i touched the demon drop and i feel like a much healthier, cleaner person- almost a new me, you could say. well okay, that's a lie, but i do like the fact that i'm doing something actually challenging and i'm determined to stick it out. alcohol plays a big part in nearly every social event i find myself at, and it's strange to be saying 'no thank you' instead of 'yes please!' but at least i'm not making a tit of myself all the time. well no, i still am making a tit of myself all the time, but at least i can remember it. whether this is better or worse remains to be seen!
anyway i can almost hear the chimes of waterloo road beginning so i shall love you and leave you. i feel calmer for writing my stresses down actually, it's a good job, because i was getting so stressed i was almost at the point of explosion. and whilst seeing me spotaneously combust would probably be very amusing, it could be slightly painful. for me anyway.
vic x
what is the reason for this newfound stresshead? i really just don't know, it isn't like me at all to be overly paranoid and cross and basically 'rawwwwwwwwwh!'. a lot of it is down to work, it's just hit me recently that i have big bad exams in what, eight weeks? or something equally ridiculous, and i know nothing. the only subject i am confident of passing with a really good mark is le francais, six months of slacking off in english lit and not even trying to comprehend history has done me no favours, i fear. don't get me started on theatre- six weeks to pull together an entire show is an extremely daunting prospect and if we fail miserably i'm going to be very bitter. however, i have great confidence in my fellow thespians that we will do ourselves proud. i've decided that as of now i am blowing my stresses away on a cloud. it's time for me to remember that the world isn't going to end if things go slightly pear-shaped, and that i can use my inner genius to pass all my exams with flying colours and get a full scholarship to oxbridge and become a nobel peace prize winner and marry stephen fry. that'd be fun.
wednesday nights are pretty much my favourite thing in the whole world right now, waterloo road/gossip girl fest, oh yes. i shall be quite desolate when the series finish. i'm paticularly enjoying waterloo road right now, maxine's death, cry cry. i knew it was coming, but still *weeps*. and then after my tv fest i'm going to read some more anna karenina, which i'm totally hearting so far, it's like pride and prej but russian which makes it all exotic and wow. i wish i was a russian princess like kitty. princess victoriana finyani. i think my natural regal grace is going to waste sometimes, i was obv born to sit on a throne.
speaking of thrones, i saw the young victoria on saturday. i loved it, it was historically accurate, gorgeous costumes, emily blunt and rupert friend had amazing onscreen chemistry so it basically ticked all the 'perfect period drama' boxes. i've actually never been a big 'victorian' person, but i've been doing a bit of background reading since watching the film and i'm finding all quite interesting. they may take over the tudors as my reigning historical obsession, god knows i'm sick to bloody death of cardinal wolsey and his crappy little treaty of london. i am going to fail history and it makes me sad. such is life.
lent is also going well, it is almost three weeks since i touched the demon drop and i feel like a much healthier, cleaner person- almost a new me, you could say. well okay, that's a lie, but i do like the fact that i'm doing something actually challenging and i'm determined to stick it out. alcohol plays a big part in nearly every social event i find myself at, and it's strange to be saying 'no thank you' instead of 'yes please!' but at least i'm not making a tit of myself all the time. well no, i still am making a tit of myself all the time, but at least i can remember it. whether this is better or worse remains to be seen!
anyway i can almost hear the chimes of waterloo road beginning so i shall love you and leave you. i feel calmer for writing my stresses down actually, it's a good job, because i was getting so stressed i was almost at the point of explosion. and whilst seeing me spotaneously combust would probably be very amusing, it could be slightly painful. for me anyway.
vic x
Friday 6 March 2009
i return- fanfares please.
hello hello, to anyone who has been checking this blog every single hour in need of a new post (in which case please leave your name and address, a restraining order may be needed), i am very sorry! for once, real life (which means oodles of college work and knackeredness) has caught up on me and prevented me from posting. however it's friday night and i've found myself with nothing to do, so i thought an update was in order!
this week has been overly dramatic, it's like everything has been humdrum for the past few weeks and now it's all exploded. some of it is very good, some of it is bad. by nature, i'm not an argumentative or confrontational person- it takes a lot to ruffle my feathers and i hate any kind of falling out. so yesterday was pretty hard for me, having a massive argument with one of my closest friends. however, friendships are a bit like marriages, you have to work, and it's all 'give and take'. the particular girl in question i've been bezzers with for nearly six months now and we've never had any kind of major argument, so perhaps a bit of air clearing was needed? in any case things are fine now and i'm back to my normal chirpy self!
just watched last night's episode of skins and i think that it's one of the best in the series so far- JJ instantly became the most likeable and real character in the programme and the only one i can universally sympathise with (except pandora, who IS me). i thought the debussy music was inspired as well, it juxtaposed so well with the action scenes like cook and JJ running from the police. i don't know, i was really sceptical about this series of skins at first, and i still have to say series one is my all time favourite- but i don't agree at all with the massive backlash against this series. it's not the same programme- there have been fundamental changes, but in a lot of cases i think this is for the better and i can't wait to see how the rest of the series pans out :)
tomorrow will hopefully be fun. i'm seeing my own ron and hermione (also known as ryan and francesca) in leeds for shopping and cinema and general reunion times. it's weird how even just a couple of weeks after seeing them i feel as if i've lost a limb. i shall jump on them both tomorrow and we'll go to mcdonald's, because we're scaffs and it's the only place cheap enough. plus i want to save my money because i believe it's high time i bought a new going out dress. there's actually a nice one in primarni, £13, yer can't go wrong! i had to donate my last fiver to richard today, after losing our 'who will pass their driving test first' bet. the only silver lining is that he's agreed to drive me into college on thursdays, so i now get a second lie in every week! good, i've been needing more and more zzzzzzs recently.
yummy, i'm listening to travis, i'd forgotten how much i loved them albeit in a rather cringey way. spotify is my new best friend, if you don't have it, you should totes download it. it has every single album you can imagine on it so i'm rediscovering some right gems :) i'm thinking billie piper next? oh dear did i just say that out loud...
anyway i'm taking my leave as i have stuff to do, people to see, deals to make, you know, it's a busy life mine! bahaha. oh gosh driving tomorrow. last lesson wasn't my finest hour, making the instructor scream as i nearly cavorted into some old woman's car is quite funny looking back... however i really don't believe i'm supposed to be on the roads. i might stick to public transport and rely on my increasing number of driving friends to ferry me about :) thanks guys!
nanight, victoria x
this week has been overly dramatic, it's like everything has been humdrum for the past few weeks and now it's all exploded. some of it is very good, some of it is bad. by nature, i'm not an argumentative or confrontational person- it takes a lot to ruffle my feathers and i hate any kind of falling out. so yesterday was pretty hard for me, having a massive argument with one of my closest friends. however, friendships are a bit like marriages, you have to work, and it's all 'give and take'. the particular girl in question i've been bezzers with for nearly six months now and we've never had any kind of major argument, so perhaps a bit of air clearing was needed? in any case things are fine now and i'm back to my normal chirpy self!
just watched last night's episode of skins and i think that it's one of the best in the series so far- JJ instantly became the most likeable and real character in the programme and the only one i can universally sympathise with (except pandora, who IS me). i thought the debussy music was inspired as well, it juxtaposed so well with the action scenes like cook and JJ running from the police. i don't know, i was really sceptical about this series of skins at first, and i still have to say series one is my all time favourite- but i don't agree at all with the massive backlash against this series. it's not the same programme- there have been fundamental changes, but in a lot of cases i think this is for the better and i can't wait to see how the rest of the series pans out :)
tomorrow will hopefully be fun. i'm seeing my own ron and hermione (also known as ryan and francesca) in leeds for shopping and cinema and general reunion times. it's weird how even just a couple of weeks after seeing them i feel as if i've lost a limb. i shall jump on them both tomorrow and we'll go to mcdonald's, because we're scaffs and it's the only place cheap enough. plus i want to save my money because i believe it's high time i bought a new going out dress. there's actually a nice one in primarni, £13, yer can't go wrong! i had to donate my last fiver to richard today, after losing our 'who will pass their driving test first' bet. the only silver lining is that he's agreed to drive me into college on thursdays, so i now get a second lie in every week! good, i've been needing more and more zzzzzzs recently.
yummy, i'm listening to travis, i'd forgotten how much i loved them albeit in a rather cringey way. spotify is my new best friend, if you don't have it, you should totes download it. it has every single album you can imagine on it so i'm rediscovering some right gems :) i'm thinking billie piper next? oh dear did i just say that out loud...
anyway i'm taking my leave as i have stuff to do, people to see, deals to make, you know, it's a busy life mine! bahaha. oh gosh driving tomorrow. last lesson wasn't my finest hour, making the instructor scream as i nearly cavorted into some old woman's car is quite funny looking back... however i really don't believe i'm supposed to be on the roads. i might stick to public transport and rely on my increasing number of driving friends to ferry me about :) thanks guys!
nanight, victoria x
Sunday 22 February 2009
tonight make me unstoppable
i am beyond tired right now. you know when it gets to that stage when you're so tired that you can't even think about sleeping, and everything is just a blur? i actually feel semi-drunk with pure knackeredness. although that could also partially be down to the fact that i've been semi-drunk for pretty much all half term. my unit consumption must be getting in the hundreds, bleurrrgh. so i've decided to give up my one and only true vice for lent in the hope that for forty days i'll have a brighter complexion and won't wake up every saturday morning thinking "what the fuck happened last night?!"
half term has been pretty lovely though, i've kept myself busy every day with trips to leeds/york, lots of work and the like. and then i've had numerous gatherings/pub outings on the nights so it hasn't really been wasted. my proudest acheivement was actually managing to steer the car yesterday, i was beyond proud. i'm thinking i might actually pass my test this decade (im not exaggerating there) and then i'll be able to zoom all over the place and be free as a bird.
blog plug here, my english lit partner-in-crime harri has FINALLY started his blog, its www.thedeaddove.blogspot.com, he's a funny guy, check it out :D. i love how many people i've converted to the blogging way of life, you could almost say i'm like a blogging jesus although that might be taking it slightly too far...
so yeah i'm so so tired i actually can't think straight and everything i'm writing is complete shit (not that it normally isn't but anywhoo). i've just downed a cup of coffee and i'm about to get another, coffee has become my staple diet recently, i'm addicted. oscars tonight. i wish i could be all "here are my predictions" but the only nominated film i've seen was slumdog millionaire. which to be fair was epic. i SO want to see revolutionary road, i'm now reading the book having finished 'kill your friends' (read it, it's hilarious), and it's lovely. i don't know why but suburbia really freaks me out, probably after watching pleasentville too many times. the idea of monotonous houses, monotonous cars, monotonous people. i mean, i live in your typical commuter village, but it has variety and charm. i couldnt live in a suburb, it'd drive me mad.
right i'm going to leave it, i can't think of anything else to write because my head is switched off and all i can think about is this english essay i have to do and a million other buzzy little things that don't matter. sometimes i wish i had something really big to concentrate my thoughts on, i seem to waste my time mulling over crap that doesn't matter and dreaming my life away. fuck i'm stopping writing emo rubbish now haha! oh i'm listening to fall out boy's new stuff, it's like year 10 all over again before i got all pretentious about music and being like "yeah if it's not the libertines i'm not listening".
although, being fair, the libertines still rule. oh pete. i wish he'd taken that £2 million to reform for leeds fest. it would make my life.
victoria x
half term has been pretty lovely though, i've kept myself busy every day with trips to leeds/york, lots of work and the like. and then i've had numerous gatherings/pub outings on the nights so it hasn't really been wasted. my proudest acheivement was actually managing to steer the car yesterday, i was beyond proud. i'm thinking i might actually pass my test this decade (im not exaggerating there) and then i'll be able to zoom all over the place and be free as a bird.
blog plug here, my english lit partner-in-crime harri has FINALLY started his blog, its www.thedeaddove.blogspot.com, he's a funny guy, check it out :D. i love how many people i've converted to the blogging way of life, you could almost say i'm like a blogging jesus although that might be taking it slightly too far...
so yeah i'm so so tired i actually can't think straight and everything i'm writing is complete shit (not that it normally isn't but anywhoo). i've just downed a cup of coffee and i'm about to get another, coffee has become my staple diet recently, i'm addicted. oscars tonight. i wish i could be all "here are my predictions" but the only nominated film i've seen was slumdog millionaire. which to be fair was epic. i SO want to see revolutionary road, i'm now reading the book having finished 'kill your friends' (read it, it's hilarious), and it's lovely. i don't know why but suburbia really freaks me out, probably after watching pleasentville too many times. the idea of monotonous houses, monotonous cars, monotonous people. i mean, i live in your typical commuter village, but it has variety and charm. i couldnt live in a suburb, it'd drive me mad.
right i'm going to leave it, i can't think of anything else to write because my head is switched off and all i can think about is this english essay i have to do and a million other buzzy little things that don't matter. sometimes i wish i had something really big to concentrate my thoughts on, i seem to waste my time mulling over crap that doesn't matter and dreaming my life away. fuck i'm stopping writing emo rubbish now haha! oh i'm listening to fall out boy's new stuff, it's like year 10 all over again before i got all pretentious about music and being like "yeah if it's not the libertines i'm not listening".
although, being fair, the libertines still rule. oh pete. i wish he'd taken that £2 million to reform for leeds fest. it would make my life.
victoria x
Wednesday 18 February 2009
mr darcy fantasies are ruining my life
i couldn't ever say this to your face
but i'm finding this whole experience quite, well boring.
and please don't take offence
but i've seen all this before.
same old tangled limbs, same old tired story
it might be a slightly different face but your mouth still tastes the same
first kiss is always the niccy rush and the second one is staler
all i can concentrate on is keeping my hands glued to my sides
and somewhere in the back of my mind there are slight hazy, barely-there memories
of butterflies dancing on my tongue
of fingers pulling through my hair
of piggy backs and grassy fields and lazy arguments, we didn't care.
but not you. not tonight.
it's hard to recreate something that was never truly quite there
and i'm fidgeting because my mother once said that those we love
never really leave us, they are the brightest stars, they are always watching.
are they watching me now?
are they watching me now and do they know that i'm apologising
for not being the clever seven year old who could recite all henry the eighth's wives
and is god up there somewhere damning me down
for doing this when i'm not in love
and will my whole fate be decided
on the way that you whisper my name
and are angels singing for me now
as you grasp for my hand in the dark?
so this is the poem i had inspiration for, the last two lines have been floating around my head for a couple of weeks so it's good to put them into context. as you can see, it's about meaningless 'romantic' encounters and how pointless they are, and how i feel guilty about having them when i could and should be doing something better. and about how sometimes the memory of being in love is the only motivation for it all, even if the love wasn't real in the first place. something like that anyway, i don't know. it's a bit ironic i guess, seeing as i haven't had any kind of encounter for months, but oh well. i have nothing else to write about except the amount of work i'm getting, and being skint. it doesn't have a title right now- i saved it under 'this is no bridget jones', after a line in one of my favourite songs but i'm not keen on it as an actual title, so i'm keeping my thinking cap on. it's starting to annoy me how my poetry is all the same and really quite boring and shallow and pretentious. i might experiment next time with some actual poetic constructs, i'm thinking rhythm and imagery and perhaps actual RHYME. who knows man ;)
yesterday was lovely, me and gracie had a perfect day in york. sometimes i think i take york for granted a bit- it's amazing to spend time in a city which is so vibrant, so present- yet also so chained to its past. to walk down the streets which have been tread for centuries, to see buildings that have sprogged up over the years, to take in its absolute breathtaking beauty. now i'm a leeds girl and i always will be- its an urban paradise, the most diverse and exciting city in the world (in my opinion anyway ;)) but york is a total enigma, somewhere i could spend hours just exploring, always knowing i was going to find something new. i've got just over another year to make the most of it, which is exactly what i intend to do.
spending time with grace is the best thing ever too. for those who don't know, gracie is my childhood best friend- we have literally known eachother from being in nappies (our first meeting was me as a one year old being pushed in a pram by my grandma, scoffing up chocolate buttons. some things never change). her family used to live next door to my grandma's and i'd shout over the paddock fence every time i visited "graaaaaace! graaaaace!" and we'd spend ages running around the paddock, making up stories and tormenting her older sister. as we grew up, we became a twosome at primary school (even at that age, we knew we were intellectual oddities!) and i was left bereft when she moved to beverley when we were ten. however for the past six years we've kept a really, really strong friendship and i have a bond with her which is unlike one i have to anyone else. we have so many memories to fall back on, and i know she'd be there for me through anything. it's so strange how we've spent our adolescence apart yet our lives have so many parrallels, the way we dress, the music and books we read, our general mindsets. it's brilliant. i love her. thanks for everything gracamund :)
i bought this massive reebok jumper for £3 from expressions (currently wearing said jumper, teamed with my trusty leggings), and three books- the perks of being a wallflower (read. loved. although it wasn't as good as catcher in the rye. but then, nothing is.), kill your friends (started today, love it so far, completly piss your pants hilarious) and revolutionary road, which i want to read before seeing the film and going ballistic over the beautiful kate winslet. oh kate, i am you.
pride and prejudice binge today, i reread my favourite chapters, watched some clips on youtube (completly gratuitous, simply fufilling my burning need to see colin firth in a wet shirt smouldering. oh colin, oh colin. fuck i have to stop. the man is like fifty. fuck i don't care. oh colin...) and then reading my 'making of pride and prejudice' book that came out with the 1995 series. oh colin. sorry. but yes, that's how hardcore i am. i even got the pride and prejudice question right on university challenge. watching said challenge has also dissuaded me from applying to oxbridge, i shall NEVER be that clever.
and now i am off to bed. tomorrow i intend to work hard, on everything. because i have so much work to do, it actually slightly makes me want to cry. and then i intend to find some disney film or possibly mean girls to watch as my reward for working hard. i love organising my days. i think i'm turning into mary ann spier. oh well. as long as it's not mallory. DYKE.
nanight, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite (unless you're into kinky biting. who knows? i'm not. unless it's from colin... oh god. i have problems, i really do)
victoria x
but i'm finding this whole experience quite, well boring.
and please don't take offence
but i've seen all this before.
same old tangled limbs, same old tired story
it might be a slightly different face but your mouth still tastes the same
first kiss is always the niccy rush and the second one is staler
all i can concentrate on is keeping my hands glued to my sides
and somewhere in the back of my mind there are slight hazy, barely-there memories
of butterflies dancing on my tongue
of fingers pulling through my hair
of piggy backs and grassy fields and lazy arguments, we didn't care.
but not you. not tonight.
it's hard to recreate something that was never truly quite there
and i'm fidgeting because my mother once said that those we love
never really leave us, they are the brightest stars, they are always watching.
are they watching me now?
are they watching me now and do they know that i'm apologising
for not being the clever seven year old who could recite all henry the eighth's wives
and is god up there somewhere damning me down
for doing this when i'm not in love
and will my whole fate be decided
on the way that you whisper my name
and are angels singing for me now
as you grasp for my hand in the dark?
so this is the poem i had inspiration for, the last two lines have been floating around my head for a couple of weeks so it's good to put them into context. as you can see, it's about meaningless 'romantic' encounters and how pointless they are, and how i feel guilty about having them when i could and should be doing something better. and about how sometimes the memory of being in love is the only motivation for it all, even if the love wasn't real in the first place. something like that anyway, i don't know. it's a bit ironic i guess, seeing as i haven't had any kind of encounter for months, but oh well. i have nothing else to write about except the amount of work i'm getting, and being skint. it doesn't have a title right now- i saved it under 'this is no bridget jones', after a line in one of my favourite songs but i'm not keen on it as an actual title, so i'm keeping my thinking cap on. it's starting to annoy me how my poetry is all the same and really quite boring and shallow and pretentious. i might experiment next time with some actual poetic constructs, i'm thinking rhythm and imagery and perhaps actual RHYME. who knows man ;)
yesterday was lovely, me and gracie had a perfect day in york. sometimes i think i take york for granted a bit- it's amazing to spend time in a city which is so vibrant, so present- yet also so chained to its past. to walk down the streets which have been tread for centuries, to see buildings that have sprogged up over the years, to take in its absolute breathtaking beauty. now i'm a leeds girl and i always will be- its an urban paradise, the most diverse and exciting city in the world (in my opinion anyway ;)) but york is a total enigma, somewhere i could spend hours just exploring, always knowing i was going to find something new. i've got just over another year to make the most of it, which is exactly what i intend to do.
spending time with grace is the best thing ever too. for those who don't know, gracie is my childhood best friend- we have literally known eachother from being in nappies (our first meeting was me as a one year old being pushed in a pram by my grandma, scoffing up chocolate buttons. some things never change). her family used to live next door to my grandma's and i'd shout over the paddock fence every time i visited "graaaaaace! graaaaace!" and we'd spend ages running around the paddock, making up stories and tormenting her older sister. as we grew up, we became a twosome at primary school (even at that age, we knew we were intellectual oddities!) and i was left bereft when she moved to beverley when we were ten. however for the past six years we've kept a really, really strong friendship and i have a bond with her which is unlike one i have to anyone else. we have so many memories to fall back on, and i know she'd be there for me through anything. it's so strange how we've spent our adolescence apart yet our lives have so many parrallels, the way we dress, the music and books we read, our general mindsets. it's brilliant. i love her. thanks for everything gracamund :)
i bought this massive reebok jumper for £3 from expressions (currently wearing said jumper, teamed with my trusty leggings), and three books- the perks of being a wallflower (read. loved. although it wasn't as good as catcher in the rye. but then, nothing is.), kill your friends (started today, love it so far, completly piss your pants hilarious) and revolutionary road, which i want to read before seeing the film and going ballistic over the beautiful kate winslet. oh kate, i am you.
pride and prejudice binge today, i reread my favourite chapters, watched some clips on youtube (completly gratuitous, simply fufilling my burning need to see colin firth in a wet shirt smouldering. oh colin, oh colin. fuck i have to stop. the man is like fifty. fuck i don't care. oh colin...) and then reading my 'making of pride and prejudice' book that came out with the 1995 series. oh colin. sorry. but yes, that's how hardcore i am. i even got the pride and prejudice question right on university challenge. watching said challenge has also dissuaded me from applying to oxbridge, i shall NEVER be that clever.
and now i am off to bed. tomorrow i intend to work hard, on everything. because i have so much work to do, it actually slightly makes me want to cry. and then i intend to find some disney film or possibly mean girls to watch as my reward for working hard. i love organising my days. i think i'm turning into mary ann spier. oh well. as long as it's not mallory. DYKE.
nanight, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite (unless you're into kinky biting. who knows? i'm not. unless it's from colin... oh god. i have problems, i really do)
victoria x
Monday 16 February 2009
a lesson learnt in time
this weekend i've begun to realize the joys of spontaneity. i'm normally one of those people who meticulously plans every day, even silly trips to town. so ringing up people and being all "right let's do something right now" is fun. take friday for instance- i brought amy home to cheer her up and we ended up down at the blue bell (again) with steven, ben and andrew and we had a lovely wine-fuelled evening. i again demonstrated my ability to attract chavs :/ seriously, i find it so hard to understand how normal, decent guys don't really ever look at me, but i seem to emit some kind of "come-hither" waves at chavs. judging by the amount of wolf whistling anyway, grrr. but yeah, i managed to control my feelings of lust for said chavs, coughcough, to drag a very drunk amy home. bless her little cotton socks, i can't believe i've suddenly become the one amongst my friends who can hold their drink, when did that happen?!
saturday was lovely too, after a day nursing my little hungover princess we met up with our coral for the gig at town hall, unfortunatly the bands were not up to scratch, but we had fun moshing about anyway. i also had a small fit of jealousy over all the year tens in selby who are better dressed than me, it made me feel physically ill. one day i will become good, i swear, and wear outfits that will make people gasp at their sheer genius. back to coral's to watch the notebook, armed with dixy chicken, and for once i didn't cry (probably because i spent most of it asleep...)
and then yesterday was francesca-filled, the best kind of day. i got to meet her lovely friends, carrie, haseeb, nicola and becca and we shared the nicest pizza in the world along with a bottle of lambrini. i made everyone watch antiques roadshow, but its disappointing now that old guy has left. just isn't the same. fact of the day: fran's mum fancies my dad. my mommy has competition, it seems! the ladies just can't get enough of our mick. oh dear...
however all this loveliness and fun days comes after a few very testing events- every silver lining comes with a cloud. i've actually had to deal with real problems, as opposed to my normal "my-hair-looks-shit-today" horrors. to one girl in particular who i hope is reading this, i'm not giving up on you, or our friendship- it just means too much to me. i've realized over the past couple of days that we need to stick together- something tells me in the next few weeks we're all going to need eachother a lot. sometimes it's hard to put a brave face on, but if we can all keep smiling i know that we'll see all this shit through. i know that it's tested my limits a lot- my mum heard me crying for the first time in goodness knows how long yesterday morning, (i tend to let films be my emotional outlet these days!) and i think i freaked her out a bit by wailing "i'm not crying about my problems, i'm crying about everyone else's!" as if i've become some crazy philanthropist in my old age. sadly not.
right i'm thinking this has been a very boring blog entry, sorry i have nothing more interesting to say... i think i need sleep/a decent book to read. but right now my dog is whimpering for me to take him out, so it's time to don my wellies and brace myself for the mud, good times for all!
oh and i am beastly excited for tomorrow, meeting grace and jack in york for shopping and nando's time. hopefully we can make "rah-expose" part two. good craic, good craic. and i've just been hit by poetical inspiration, i will mull over it as i dog-walk and write on my return!
victoria x
Well it's been a long time, long time now
Since I've seen you smile
And I'll gamble away my fright
And I'll gamble away my time
And in a year, a year or so
This will slip into the sea
Well it's been a long time, long time now
Since I've seen you smile - beirut, nantes.
saturday was lovely too, after a day nursing my little hungover princess we met up with our coral for the gig at town hall, unfortunatly the bands were not up to scratch, but we had fun moshing about anyway. i also had a small fit of jealousy over all the year tens in selby who are better dressed than me, it made me feel physically ill. one day i will become good, i swear, and wear outfits that will make people gasp at their sheer genius. back to coral's to watch the notebook, armed with dixy chicken, and for once i didn't cry (probably because i spent most of it asleep...)
and then yesterday was francesca-filled, the best kind of day. i got to meet her lovely friends, carrie, haseeb, nicola and becca and we shared the nicest pizza in the world along with a bottle of lambrini. i made everyone watch antiques roadshow, but its disappointing now that old guy has left. just isn't the same. fact of the day: fran's mum fancies my dad. my mommy has competition, it seems! the ladies just can't get enough of our mick. oh dear...
however all this loveliness and fun days comes after a few very testing events- every silver lining comes with a cloud. i've actually had to deal with real problems, as opposed to my normal "my-hair-looks-shit-today" horrors. to one girl in particular who i hope is reading this, i'm not giving up on you, or our friendship- it just means too much to me. i've realized over the past couple of days that we need to stick together- something tells me in the next few weeks we're all going to need eachother a lot. sometimes it's hard to put a brave face on, but if we can all keep smiling i know that we'll see all this shit through. i know that it's tested my limits a lot- my mum heard me crying for the first time in goodness knows how long yesterday morning, (i tend to let films be my emotional outlet these days!) and i think i freaked her out a bit by wailing "i'm not crying about my problems, i'm crying about everyone else's!" as if i've become some crazy philanthropist in my old age. sadly not.
right i'm thinking this has been a very boring blog entry, sorry i have nothing more interesting to say... i think i need sleep/a decent book to read. but right now my dog is whimpering for me to take him out, so it's time to don my wellies and brace myself for the mud, good times for all!
oh and i am beastly excited for tomorrow, meeting grace and jack in york for shopping and nando's time. hopefully we can make "rah-expose" part two. good craic, good craic. and i've just been hit by poetical inspiration, i will mull over it as i dog-walk and write on my return!
victoria x
Well it's been a long time, long time now
Since I've seen you smile
And I'll gamble away my fright
And I'll gamble away my time
And in a year, a year or so
This will slip into the sea
Well it's been a long time, long time now
Since I've seen you smile - beirut, nantes.
Tuesday 10 February 2009
coral is my hero
so i'm posting a poem that isn't by me! this is an ode to our english shenanigans by my lovely chum coral (www.bellusforever.blogspot.com)
to harri-with-an-i and victoire...
so you thought you'd be clever and play a little game
but it didn't turn out the way you wanted- WHAT A FRICKIN SHAME!!
guys you make me piss my panties
and i wish i was up to scratch with your antics
however i think i care about my future
enough to know i can't fail literature!
...ahaha you guys go BANG!
you're on FIRE
WOW...
you rock my socks muchly
X <3>
je t'adore cozzie g!
in other news, my face is burning after using william's christmas present- an 89p face peel from boyes. what an attentive sibling he is... :/. also i have french and theatre essays that need doing, blaah. work work work, i refuse to cope. if i fail my as exams, i am suing facebook. although i have only myself and my weak work ethic to blame.
so i'm off to do one of two things now, a) solider on with anna karenina (which is more enjoyable than expected) or b) watch the devil wears prada. hmm...
love a short but sweet victoria x
ps. "guess who spoke to me today?!" bahaha
pps. "carol, i'd like to hear your thoughts on this matter!"
ppps LUDLOW 2009. i'm full on going to visit the room where arthur and katherine of aragon may have consummated their marriage. oh arthur, why did philippa gregory kill you off? broke my heart it did...
to harri-with-an-i and victoire...
so you thought you'd be clever and play a little game
but it didn't turn out the way you wanted- WHAT A FRICKIN SHAME!!
guys you make me piss my panties
and i wish i was up to scratch with your antics
however i think i care about my future
enough to know i can't fail literature!
...ahaha you guys go BANG!
you're on FIRE
WOW...
you rock my socks muchly
X <3>
je t'adore cozzie g!
in other news, my face is burning after using william's christmas present- an 89p face peel from boyes. what an attentive sibling he is... :/. also i have french and theatre essays that need doing, blaah. work work work, i refuse to cope. if i fail my as exams, i am suing facebook. although i have only myself and my weak work ethic to blame.
so i'm off to do one of two things now, a) solider on with anna karenina (which is more enjoyable than expected) or b) watch the devil wears prada. hmm...
love a short but sweet victoria x
ps. "guess who spoke to me today?!" bahaha
pps. "carol, i'd like to hear your thoughts on this matter!"
ppps LUDLOW 2009. i'm full on going to visit the room where arthur and katherine of aragon may have consummated their marriage. oh arthur, why did philippa gregory kill you off? broke my heart it did...
Monday 9 February 2009
things i love monday #1
okay, i nicked it off galadarling (check her blog by the way, it's a humdinger.) but basically, monday is everyone's least favourite day of the week. so i've decided every monday my new thing is going to be to post the five things that are floating my boat, to cheer myself and anyone else up :). it's going to be books, music, anything that i'm enjoying right now. so hmm here we go!
1) rebecca by daphne du maurier- so i finished this yesterday. it's brilliant, if you like murder mysteries, romance, scary gothic stories, i totally recommend it. i'm going to buy the film methinks :)
2) lily allen's new album, "it's not me, it's you." espcially the tracks 'chinese' 'back to the start' and 'him'. totally lily at her best. 'back to the start' IS me and ellie, so it made me all emotional. also love how she's just blatantly ripped the chorus of take that's 'shine' for 'who'd have known' but just changed the lyrics. oh lil.
3) nick & norah's infinite playlist. i saw this on saturday and totally hearted it. kat dennings is gorgeous and such a good actress, and michael cera... well michael cera looks kind of like my ex boyfriend but that can't be helped. the story was so effing cute. "shit sandwich! we are shit sandwich!". i guarentee after seeing this film, you will never chew a piece of gum in the same way again.
4) i am BEYOND excited for coraline to come out. if you haven't already read it, do so. it might be a children's book but it is the scariest book i have ever read. you're all coming with me when it comes out at the cinema, i need some shoulders to bury my head and squeal in. the stuff of nightmares.
5) marianne dashwood. after re-reading sense and sensibility, i'm in love with her again. i think marianne is always going to be the austen heroine i identify most with, i think she's the freshest of all of them (except perhaps emma woodhouse). seventeen, addicted to literature, waiting for true romance and always believing there's something better out there- sounds slightly familiar. although i still debate with myself over whether she would have married colonel brandon really. i prefer the idea of her pining over willoughby forever more. oh well. jane knows best!
Sunday 8 February 2009
i wouldn't thank you for a valentine
so it's coming up to the loveliest day of the year for couples, valentine's. i've always hated the day, although obviously not out of bitterness coughcough. this could be because i've always (bar one year) been single for valentines- and on that said one year, my romantic present from my partner of the time was a cheap tatty card which said "from -insert-name-" no kisses. i think he might have bought me a chocolate bar as well. i was obviously adored... so yeah, the day has obvious negative connatations for me.
i remember in year eight maybe always being jealous of those elusive year eleven girls, walking around school on the 14th of february with flowers in one arm and a balloon in the other "to the best girlfriend ever." i always thought that being that age would automatically mean i'd have a boyfriend, conveniantly there to splash out on me. of course when my own year eleven rolled around, i had to sit discontentedly in the corner of the common room whilst my friends waltzed around with their flowers and cards, humphing to myself "valentine's is just a commercial gimmick anyway."
it totally is though, to be fair. i mean, to say i was in a serious relationship for nearly a year, i've never had the whole romance deal (at least not a real reciprocated romance!)- you know, the heart churning, butterflies in stomach, melt in the mouth kind of love that my friends insist does exist, even if i've never properly felt it. however i imagine when and if i do feel that kind of love, valentine's day still won't matter to me. i know so many people say it, but you really don't need one designated day of the year to show your affections to someone.
however, i am sure there are people reading this (well hopefully reading this, i don't like to think i'm writing this blog for nothing!) who are thinking 'well she doesn't have a boyfriend, she doesn't understand.' and maybe i don't- sad as it sounds, i've actually forgotten what it feels like to be in a relationship, to have someone to think about and call up when i'm bored. this doesn't make me as depressed as it used to though, haha. i have this theory that somone incredibly brilliant and mystical and clever and funny and basically all i've ever really wanted is waiting just around the corner, or right under my nose (not literally, although finding someone lovely in my back garden would be pretty cool), ready to show up tomorrow, or in a week, or in a month, or in ten years and that's what i'm waiting for because i've gotten so used to the little flings and 'seeing people' that have always been second best. and that person won't care that i'm unnattractive to the point of hilarity, or that i can be a bit shy and awkward and make really unnecessary comments when i'm nervous, or that i'm a grumpy so and so first thing in the morning and i am literally unfit to face the world until 11 am, or that i scrounge food off EVERYBODY because they will see me for who i really am, or at least who i'd like to think i really am. well that's what i'm hoping anyway haha. something tells me the reality is going to be something different- 60 years of spinsterhood and being 'everybody's favourite aunt' is coming my way, i fear! ;)
so to anyone single reading this who is desparing because they don't have a valentine this year: you are not alone! :D. just be thankful you don't have to spend drinking/clothing/leeds fest-funding money (because we're all starting to realize that tickets come out NEXT MONTH and we're skinto!) on crappy cards and chocolates. i'm off for a girls night out to good old selby on valentine's day and i can't wait. if all else fails, stay at home and stick bridget jones on (i AM bridget jones) with a tub on ben and jerrys. sounds like a plan to me.
as i began to write this, my parents were asleep on the sofa, both facing opposite directions but with my dad's feet neatly tucked inside my mum's. now that's true romance for you.
victoria x
i remember in year eight maybe always being jealous of those elusive year eleven girls, walking around school on the 14th of february with flowers in one arm and a balloon in the other "to the best girlfriend ever." i always thought that being that age would automatically mean i'd have a boyfriend, conveniantly there to splash out on me. of course when my own year eleven rolled around, i had to sit discontentedly in the corner of the common room whilst my friends waltzed around with their flowers and cards, humphing to myself "valentine's is just a commercial gimmick anyway."
it totally is though, to be fair. i mean, to say i was in a serious relationship for nearly a year, i've never had the whole romance deal (at least not a real reciprocated romance!)- you know, the heart churning, butterflies in stomach, melt in the mouth kind of love that my friends insist does exist, even if i've never properly felt it. however i imagine when and if i do feel that kind of love, valentine's day still won't matter to me. i know so many people say it, but you really don't need one designated day of the year to show your affections to someone.
however, i am sure there are people reading this (well hopefully reading this, i don't like to think i'm writing this blog for nothing!) who are thinking 'well she doesn't have a boyfriend, she doesn't understand.' and maybe i don't- sad as it sounds, i've actually forgotten what it feels like to be in a relationship, to have someone to think about and call up when i'm bored. this doesn't make me as depressed as it used to though, haha. i have this theory that somone incredibly brilliant and mystical and clever and funny and basically all i've ever really wanted is waiting just around the corner, or right under my nose (not literally, although finding someone lovely in my back garden would be pretty cool), ready to show up tomorrow, or in a week, or in a month, or in ten years and that's what i'm waiting for because i've gotten so used to the little flings and 'seeing people' that have always been second best. and that person won't care that i'm unnattractive to the point of hilarity, or that i can be a bit shy and awkward and make really unnecessary comments when i'm nervous, or that i'm a grumpy so and so first thing in the morning and i am literally unfit to face the world until 11 am, or that i scrounge food off EVERYBODY because they will see me for who i really am, or at least who i'd like to think i really am. well that's what i'm hoping anyway haha. something tells me the reality is going to be something different- 60 years of spinsterhood and being 'everybody's favourite aunt' is coming my way, i fear! ;)
so to anyone single reading this who is desparing because they don't have a valentine this year: you are not alone! :D. just be thankful you don't have to spend drinking/clothing/leeds fest-funding money (because we're all starting to realize that tickets come out NEXT MONTH and we're skinto!) on crappy cards and chocolates. i'm off for a girls night out to good old selby on valentine's day and i can't wait. if all else fails, stay at home and stick bridget jones on (i AM bridget jones) with a tub on ben and jerrys. sounds like a plan to me.
as i began to write this, my parents were asleep on the sofa, both facing opposite directions but with my dad's feet neatly tucked inside my mum's. now that's true romance for you.
victoria x
Friday 6 February 2009
last night i dreamt i went to manderley again
samsung g600, we hardly knew ye. sad news today guys- after a long and happy relationship, i am widowed after my lovely mobile died. whether it is to have a christ-like resurrection remains to be seen, but in the mean time i need numbers for my old nokia something or other please. so if you are reading this, and i am friends with you (or enemies, who knows) GIVE ME YOUR NUMBER BITCH. and i will be grateful and love you to all eternity, amen. my number is still the same by the way- won't post it on here for obvious reasons!
so tonight was lovely, i went round to charlie's house and we watched la vie en rose and played on the wii fit and i ate some of the loftus' fajitas, even though i'd already had tea, because i cannot resist mexican EVER. charlie's french partner, alexandre, was there as well and we had a right gigglefest hoola-hooping on the wii, which naturally i was hopeless at. typical that even virtual sports render me useless, one of these days i AM going to get fit and become a super athlete and win sixteen gold medals at the 2012 olympics. so suck on that. i'm thinking rowing might be my forte.
i actually kind of wish i had done french exchange this year, the partners all seem really nice and it really is a good way of improving votre francais. not to mention it looks pretty swish on ucas forms. no victoria, shut up about ucas. but i suppose i already did one with the hated sarah in year ten (angouleme- the french version of doncaster), so i can't really complain. besides, according to guillame my french is good enough anyway! tee hee hee. i do love completley immersing myself in the language though, i love being in france and speaking french all day. it's funny how it almost becomes instinct- sometimes i catch myself having little thoughts in french and it makes me smile. i remember in angouleme, i took a book with me (katie price- angel. i kid you not, my fifteen year old self was a badass) and i didn't open it until maybe the fifth day. it actually took me a few pages to get back into the swing of reading in english, i'd been so used to parlaying french. i definitly want to spend some time there, whether as part of university or a gap year. my dad told me the other day that he thinks i'm like a little bird who will soon want to fly the nest and that he can see me moving abroad. i don't know about a permanant move- i am so yorkshire born and bred it's untrue. i'm one of those annoying people who gets a lump in their throat when they see the yorkshire moors or an old man sat with a flat cap outside a pub with a whippet. i love god's own county.
so i'm halfway through rebecca, and i absolutly love it. i'm finding it genuinly chilling, and it's hard to find a book that isn't stephen king, scary. mrs danvers is such a lesbian creep, i love her. it's the perfect setting as well- having been to cornwall, i know how eerie it can seem. i will hopefully get it finished this weekend- sunday probably, i'm doing nothing else. and then i'm going to set myself the challenge of anna karenina, which i am not looking forward to but i feel has to be done. that'll take up my reading for at least two weeks i'd say, bad times. and then i want to read fear and loathing in las vegas. and revolutionary road. i'm going through a bit of an american literature phase at the moment, it's all about the discontment of the american dream maaan. on top of all this i'm supposed to be finding a monologue for theatre, i found one about percy shelley's first wife (she threw herself into the serpentine you know!) which seemed intruiging, also a gothic lezza fantasy which i might do just for the laughs. or there was the shakespeare katherine of aragon one, decisions decisions. i wish i could act, i really do.
so tomorrow i'm going to see benjamin button and swoon over brad pitt. i hope it's as good as the reviews say it is, i'm expecting a real treat. the concept slightly reminds me of the time traveller's wife, but hopefully not as sad. i shall just have to cry on mel's shoulder- i am tres excited about seeing her, elle and miranda. it's been too long and i love them dearly!
anyway i'm off to rest my sleepy head, it's late and my pillows look welcoming. sweet dreams.
victoria x
You're such a beautiful writer that's not all you are
I'm sorry about making a pass
It was subtle but I think that you grasped
The meaning intended
I can be a friend to you
I won't pretend I'm not interested in breaking your heart
It's not love no it's nothing like that
I'll leave that to lookers like him
Oh he's such a delicate thing
Now it's such a fragile thing that we have
I should be suspended from class - Suspended From Class, Camera Obscura
so tonight was lovely, i went round to charlie's house and we watched la vie en rose and played on the wii fit and i ate some of the loftus' fajitas, even though i'd already had tea, because i cannot resist mexican EVER. charlie's french partner, alexandre, was there as well and we had a right gigglefest hoola-hooping on the wii, which naturally i was hopeless at. typical that even virtual sports render me useless, one of these days i AM going to get fit and become a super athlete and win sixteen gold medals at the 2012 olympics. so suck on that. i'm thinking rowing might be my forte.
i actually kind of wish i had done french exchange this year, the partners all seem really nice and it really is a good way of improving votre francais. not to mention it looks pretty swish on ucas forms. no victoria, shut up about ucas. but i suppose i already did one with the hated sarah in year ten (angouleme- the french version of doncaster), so i can't really complain. besides, according to guillame my french is good enough anyway! tee hee hee. i do love completley immersing myself in the language though, i love being in france and speaking french all day. it's funny how it almost becomes instinct- sometimes i catch myself having little thoughts in french and it makes me smile. i remember in angouleme, i took a book with me (katie price- angel. i kid you not, my fifteen year old self was a badass) and i didn't open it until maybe the fifth day. it actually took me a few pages to get back into the swing of reading in english, i'd been so used to parlaying french. i definitly want to spend some time there, whether as part of university or a gap year. my dad told me the other day that he thinks i'm like a little bird who will soon want to fly the nest and that he can see me moving abroad. i don't know about a permanant move- i am so yorkshire born and bred it's untrue. i'm one of those annoying people who gets a lump in their throat when they see the yorkshire moors or an old man sat with a flat cap outside a pub with a whippet. i love god's own county.
so i'm halfway through rebecca, and i absolutly love it. i'm finding it genuinly chilling, and it's hard to find a book that isn't stephen king, scary. mrs danvers is such a lesbian creep, i love her. it's the perfect setting as well- having been to cornwall, i know how eerie it can seem. i will hopefully get it finished this weekend- sunday probably, i'm doing nothing else. and then i'm going to set myself the challenge of anna karenina, which i am not looking forward to but i feel has to be done. that'll take up my reading for at least two weeks i'd say, bad times. and then i want to read fear and loathing in las vegas. and revolutionary road. i'm going through a bit of an american literature phase at the moment, it's all about the discontment of the american dream maaan. on top of all this i'm supposed to be finding a monologue for theatre, i found one about percy shelley's first wife (she threw herself into the serpentine you know!) which seemed intruiging, also a gothic lezza fantasy which i might do just for the laughs. or there was the shakespeare katherine of aragon one, decisions decisions. i wish i could act, i really do.
so tomorrow i'm going to see benjamin button and swoon over brad pitt. i hope it's as good as the reviews say it is, i'm expecting a real treat. the concept slightly reminds me of the time traveller's wife, but hopefully not as sad. i shall just have to cry on mel's shoulder- i am tres excited about seeing her, elle and miranda. it's been too long and i love them dearly!
anyway i'm off to rest my sleepy head, it's late and my pillows look welcoming. sweet dreams.
victoria x
You're such a beautiful writer that's not all you are
I'm sorry about making a pass
It was subtle but I think that you grasped
The meaning intended
I can be a friend to you
I won't pretend I'm not interested in breaking your heart
It's not love no it's nothing like that
I'll leave that to lookers like him
Oh he's such a delicate thing
Now it's such a fragile thing that we have
I should be suspended from class - Suspended From Class, Camera Obscura
Tuesday 3 February 2009
i gyve unto my wief my second best bed
letters to and from my 12 year old self.
sometimes i think you knew more than i do
as you sit there pen in hand, chewing for the right word
they say wisdom comes with age, but i cannot offer you the solace you deserved
dear diary, he's so fit, he looked at me today
do you think he likes me dear diary? no he doesn't
silly girl, stop dreaming, start living
plenty of time for your first kiss
you'll cry after it anyway and wish you'd waited for something sweeter
do you think he likes me dear diary? no he doesn't
silly girl, stop dreaming, start living
plenty of time for your first kiss
you'll cry after it anyway and wish you'd waited for something sweeter
you're more lovely innocent then you'll ever be corrupted
kohl-less eyes and your sticky first lip gloss
cheap perfume smudged onto maths homework
square roots aren't as important as you'd think
i can see you now lying in my old single bed
hair sprayed ungracefully on the pillow
dreaming of some guy on the bus who remarked on how caramel it was
(you always used to think it was yellow as dishwater)
and of how your world would be straight and simple in five years time
dear diary, youth is wasted on the young, love victoria.
okay, i'm not sure on the title, or the last line. think they're a bit cheesy, but it's a good effort and i'm pretty pleased with it. i feel as if i'm getting back into the swing of things now and will hopefully one day produce my masterpiece and become the next emily dickinson and have lots of people kiss my grave and leave lipstick marks, a la oscar wilde. (yes you can tell i've been watching paris je t'aime clips on youtube).
snow was lahvely yesterday, i hate that awful slushy yellow stuff we normally get in england so to wake up to at least six inches of beautiful powdery proper crunchy snow was amazing. i didn't have to think twice about taking the day off college, and me and ellie had a lazy day walking through the village and throwing snowballs at eachother (i will just digress to say that i LOVE that girl and i am so glad we've put our issues behind us and got close again. i missed you hamsterface!) then we went back to hers and spent the rest of the day eating out her house and baking the world's worst chocolate cake with icing that tasted of pure alcohol. after which i persuaded ellie to watch shakespeare in love with me. oh my god, joseph fiennes. oh my god, ben affleck, oh my god, COLIN FIRTH. needless to say the film was a success with both of us, and it would be a lovely story if it were true. poor anne hathaway, i always used to feel so sorry for her until i read the poem by carol ann duffy. which gave a different, if probably inaccurate spin on things!
so yeah it's short but sweet today (like me then!). the more discerning of you may have noticed the music player toodling along in the background, i filled it up last night with about thirty songs- they're not necessarily all my favourites (i couldn't find my favourite ever song, i will follow you into the dark) but they are all choons that are making me happy and thoughtful at this moment in time. had to include some musical tracks for old times sake haha. but if anyone doesn't like it- i'll freely admit it's a bit myspace- let me know and i'll whisk it off a.s.a.p.
also i am FINALLY reading a decent book to get my teeth into- rebecca by daphne du maurier which i've had lingering on my shelf for about a year. so far 100 pages in, i'm really enjoying it and i'm totally getting the whole 'you're supposed to fall in love with the dead wife, not the narrator' thing. recommended to anyone who fancies a good murder mystery, i've heard the film is supposed to be a cracker as well, might have to buy it to watch over half term :)
anyway i'm off for some peri-peri chicken, yum!
victoria x
ps. they've opened an american apparal in manchester. god i know you're watching this and i know you love me- so please get the powers that be to open one in leeds?! thank you.
so yeah it's short but sweet today (like me then!). the more discerning of you may have noticed the music player toodling along in the background, i filled it up last night with about thirty songs- they're not necessarily all my favourites (i couldn't find my favourite ever song, i will follow you into the dark) but they are all choons that are making me happy and thoughtful at this moment in time. had to include some musical tracks for old times sake haha. but if anyone doesn't like it- i'll freely admit it's a bit myspace- let me know and i'll whisk it off a.s.a.p.
also i am FINALLY reading a decent book to get my teeth into- rebecca by daphne du maurier which i've had lingering on my shelf for about a year. so far 100 pages in, i'm really enjoying it and i'm totally getting the whole 'you're supposed to fall in love with the dead wife, not the narrator' thing. recommended to anyone who fancies a good murder mystery, i've heard the film is supposed to be a cracker as well, might have to buy it to watch over half term :)
anyway i'm off for some peri-peri chicken, yum!
victoria x
ps. they've opened an american apparal in manchester. god i know you're watching this and i know you love me- so please get the powers that be to open one in leeds?! thank you.
Sunday 1 February 2009
note to potential suitors: don't try to sweet talk me with taxidermy.
so it's been a while since i've visited that hallowed place, the bluebell inn. lack of funds/people to go with have prevented me from making the ten minute trip down to my local drinking establishment, so me and fran were eek mega excited about last night. we hyped it up so much in our minds that we began to believe the reality couldn't possibly be as good as what we remembered. we were wrong- it was better.
honestly, to say i live in what is described as a 'desirable middle-class village', you don't half get some characters in that pub. within about twenty minutes of arriving, fran had been accosted by none other than william's best friend's father stating "i'm fucked, want to come back to mine?". a tempting offer which i am sure was hard to decline. i was beginning to despair of finding any totty in the pub, until after returning from the ladies room, fran informed me that some lad had told her 'yer mate is fooooking gorgeous'. feeling slightly more heartened, i turned to look at my admirer. sadly i was disappointed- not the worst looking man in the world but currently pissed off his face and rolling around on the floor, having fallen off his chair. 'ratboy' as i found out his friends called him, approached me and did the whole "can i get your number, are we going to pull?" routine. sadly it wasn't ratboy's lucky day (i wasn't drunk enough to not know better and getting with twenty-six year old eejits has never been my thing anyway) but we chatted for a bit anyway, me and fran getting more and more amused by his outrageous drunkenness. things came to head when he grabbed a random stuffed deer head off the wall and in some strange bid to impress me started... stroking my leg with it. oh my god, to say i was freaked out would be a gross understatement, i went completley psycho on him for running a dead deer over me. i've always hated stuffed animals (memories of year seven: my mum phoning in to complain to my biology teacher i'd come home crying after having to sit next to a stuffed owl in lessons) so it was NOT the best way to get into my good books. thankfully we left soon after (although not before having been bought a drink by a drunk old man who told me he loved my father and that my grandad was a beautiful man), walked back home and crashed straight into bed... where we didn't surface from until eleven this morning.
lazy day again today, me and francesca watched st trinians and bemoaned the fact that we don't look like gemma arterton or talulah riley whilst eating copious amounts of cereal. and i've literally done nothing all afternoon except re-read the other boleyn girl in a bid to get my mind back in gear, it's actually worked as i've spent the past half an hour researching anne boleyn and trying to decide whether she was guilty or not. at the moment i'm swaying towards possibly guilty of certain charges but i think phillipa gregory has influenced me there. may just have a debate with zoe about it tomorrow in history, henry viii's reign can still inspire me even when his dad's cannot. i really should have done some work today, i need to get my hedda gabler lines stuck in my head, do my exploration notes, do some history, do some english coursework, the list goes on and i just want to bury my head in a pillow and make it all go away.
i think i'm going to brave the snow, go visit my grandma and watch pride and prejudice for probably the fiftieth time (i swear i don't watch it because colin firth circa 1995 was sex on legs...) and pretend that i am elizabeth bennett. although you know, me really, catherine morland much? although i haven't got the whole hopeless romantic thing going on so maybe i'm a bit like emma woodhouse? or maybe i'm not really good enough to be any austen heroine and should spend my time striving to do good deeds (although i'm putting my emma-like matchmaking to bed for a while!) instead of scribbling away on this blog for hours on end? haha, who knows?
victoria x
Thursday 29 January 2009
"each for all and all for god"? my arse
okay so i've stuck my smiley face back where it belongs and yesterday and today have brightened things up, thank goodness! i hate being all drippy and sappy so not feeling turd-like is a great relief! however at the moment i am smiling through gritted, gritted teeth after my lovely day at the girls' high yesterday has been soured by the news today that one of my close mates is being kicked out. not because of, i don't know, drugs or bullying or something that would reasonably get you kicked out of college, no. the nice pies at the girls' high are kicking her out because "she wasn't working hard enough." i'm sorry, even as a born-again hard grafter, but i have to say that is the most ridiculous excuse to expel anyone, ever. by "not working hard enough" the senior management team are basically saying to my friend "look, you're not going to get AAA on results day, we don't want you here." it's pissed me off so much, urgh. just a few weeks before her a2 exams as well, now she's just been left in the lurch. hopefully she'll be coming to col in september to re do her a2s, but still. what pisses me off more is that two boys over at the boys school cockslapped a girl in my year the other day and have got off pretty much scot free, that's blatant sexism for you. mnnnrgh. makes me so glad i've left, i think i'd be in the same boat had i stayed on!
having said all that, i did have a lovely day visiting yesterday. it's true that absence makes the heart grow fonder and seeing all my posh friends (love you guys!) in their suits did make me feel proud and almost a little wistful. it's funny how you can be away from a place for so long but still feel like you belong there when you go back, albeit if only for a few hours. of course i had to literally jump on every single person who walked through the common room with cries of "oh my gawwwd i've missed you so much!" and then make ryan walk me around school to try to find people i knew. everyone was staring at us as we walked by and i asked him if it was because my leaving had made such an impact that people were stunned by my return. however he brutally quashed my dreams of leaving a legacy by telling me "actually vicky, i think it's because i'm a boy...walking round an all girls school". i'd forgotten how we used to treat the male sixth formers you'd occasionally see in the corridors as local-celebrities, it was even funnier how all the small children assumed me and ryan were a couple- i was a bit naughty with this, i had a go at a year eight for saying she always thought ryan was gay ("i find the fact that you think my boyfriend is gay pretty offensive actually!").
but yes, it was nice to see everybody, although it served as a reminder that i am really happy where i am and certainly made the right choice in coming to college. i don't think i could cope permanantly with the stifling atmosphere and the overwhelming pressure to achieve, not to mention the stark financial situation of some of the girls' compared to my own (and most of my new friends'). i take for example one girl- who is absolutly lovely in her defence- who was upset because the courtesy car she'd been sent after crashing her new mini cooper is a fiat punto. i'm sorry but i would kill (not people, perhaps a bird or a small rodent) for a fiat punto or indeed any set of wheels. heck i wouldn't mind a three wheeler, in fact i think they're pretty cool in a vintagey way. just have to pass my test first, and that's the complicated bit. andrewboy passed his yesterday with one minor, the bloody driving savant. i'm going to full on make him take me on so many roadtrips in the holidays for all the times he's called me fat/nicked my hairband/been a general dick to me. scarborough here we come! haha.
so yeah, i'm knackered- i always am- and i'm psyched about skins tonight, and i can't believe i actually used the word psyched and i want to have some tea and wash my mop before it comes on and stuff, so i'm going to love you and leave you whilst i tuck into some lettuce. i've been so healthy today, it kills me inside. my effort to stay this side of twenty stone is wearing thin, i think i might just give up to the chips and cake and die a happy old lady, stuck to the sofa. haha imagine if they had to get a crane or something to pull me out, like in what's eating gilbert grape. oh wait no, they didn't get a crane, they just burnt down the house, with the fat woman in it, because she was too massive to move. that was a hilarious, if slightly disturbing movie. it's always weird to see a pre-titanic leo, and still find his 14 year old self attractive. even if he is past it now. oh leo, how disappointing. you were so beautiful in titanic, why did you have to die, just because stupid kate winslet wouldnt shove her ass up a bit on that floating door. you didn't deserve it leo, you should have been with someone like me.
anyway i digress! finally taking my leave :)
a bientot, victoria x
having said all that, i did have a lovely day visiting yesterday. it's true that absence makes the heart grow fonder and seeing all my posh friends (love you guys!) in their suits did make me feel proud and almost a little wistful. it's funny how you can be away from a place for so long but still feel like you belong there when you go back, albeit if only for a few hours. of course i had to literally jump on every single person who walked through the common room with cries of "oh my gawwwd i've missed you so much!" and then make ryan walk me around school to try to find people i knew. everyone was staring at us as we walked by and i asked him if it was because my leaving had made such an impact that people were stunned by my return. however he brutally quashed my dreams of leaving a legacy by telling me "actually vicky, i think it's because i'm a boy...walking round an all girls school". i'd forgotten how we used to treat the male sixth formers you'd occasionally see in the corridors as local-celebrities, it was even funnier how all the small children assumed me and ryan were a couple- i was a bit naughty with this, i had a go at a year eight for saying she always thought ryan was gay ("i find the fact that you think my boyfriend is gay pretty offensive actually!").
but yes, it was nice to see everybody, although it served as a reminder that i am really happy where i am and certainly made the right choice in coming to college. i don't think i could cope permanantly with the stifling atmosphere and the overwhelming pressure to achieve, not to mention the stark financial situation of some of the girls' compared to my own (and most of my new friends'). i take for example one girl- who is absolutly lovely in her defence- who was upset because the courtesy car she'd been sent after crashing her new mini cooper is a fiat punto. i'm sorry but i would kill (not people, perhaps a bird or a small rodent) for a fiat punto or indeed any set of wheels. heck i wouldn't mind a three wheeler, in fact i think they're pretty cool in a vintagey way. just have to pass my test first, and that's the complicated bit. andrewboy passed his yesterday with one minor, the bloody driving savant. i'm going to full on make him take me on so many roadtrips in the holidays for all the times he's called me fat/nicked my hairband/been a general dick to me. scarborough here we come! haha.
so yeah, i'm knackered- i always am- and i'm psyched about skins tonight, and i can't believe i actually used the word psyched and i want to have some tea and wash my mop before it comes on and stuff, so i'm going to love you and leave you whilst i tuck into some lettuce. i've been so healthy today, it kills me inside. my effort to stay this side of twenty stone is wearing thin, i think i might just give up to the chips and cake and die a happy old lady, stuck to the sofa. haha imagine if they had to get a crane or something to pull me out, like in what's eating gilbert grape. oh wait no, they didn't get a crane, they just burnt down the house, with the fat woman in it, because she was too massive to move. that was a hilarious, if slightly disturbing movie. it's always weird to see a pre-titanic leo, and still find his 14 year old self attractive. even if he is past it now. oh leo, how disappointing. you were so beautiful in titanic, why did you have to die, just because stupid kate winslet wouldnt shove her ass up a bit on that floating door. you didn't deserve it leo, you should have been with someone like me.
anyway i digress! finally taking my leave :)
a bientot, victoria x
Tuesday 27 January 2009
things that annoy and slightly worry me day
1) money, i hate not having it, i hate how it restricts your entire life only having a fiver in your bank account. i could have been out clubbing tonight with amigos but NO i had to stay in and have another pointless night on facebook because i haven't got the money to even get to pontefract, let alone entry to any clubs, not to mention drinks! urgh.
2) my stomach, hate hate hate almost as much as i dislike my face (so that's a great deal). no definition and it just jiggles about everywhere, has no tone whatsoever, and what's more i'm such a lazy shit that i cannae even be arsed to do anything about it.
3) my family or more specifically my brother- just because i am not out humping anything that moves, like you, does not make me a lesbian or a misfit, it just means i have standards that are hard to attain :). it pisses me off that i'm only seventeen and i'm already being seen as a failure for, oh gosh, not having a significant other, and that it's seen as odd to enjoy being single.
4) my wardrobe and how there seems to be nothing in it i want to wear anymore.
5) never having anything to do.
6) being so far away from fran and ryan nearly all the time when i literally need them to keep me sane sometimes.
7) bus timetables from hillam to just about everywhere, hate public transport, hate bus drivers.
8) the fact that i'm totally stupid and am likely to do shit in my a levels and not get in a good university and drop out of my degree and end up on the streets homeless except for the occasional cup of coffee bought by some kind old lady who thinks i'm a trampy man and i'll be a poor single-mother drug-addict by the time i'm 23, at which point some movie director will buy the rights to my story so i'll become a millionaire and maybe be slightly more cheerful.
9) not sleeping, like every night is supposed to be early night but i still find my brain whirring and ticking about until at least half twelve and then having to get up at the crack of dawn.
10) caring about people way too much and worrying about them too much, and when i'm exhausted about worrying about everyone else realizing i still have to worry about me.
11) being a perfectionist and not letting myself make mistakes- then beating myself up about it when i do.
12) the cold, i just want summer and sunshine and a beach where i can close my eyes and forget that everyone else apart from me exists.
13) how beautiful some people are- i mean i know beauty is skin deep and without wanting to sound all cocky, i like my personality (for the most part)- but seeing these girls with perfect faces and perfect hair just makes me want to scream. AARGH.
14) living in a village where the most exciting event to happen all year is the scarecrow festival, i kid you not.
15) the fact that i've lost all love for literature right now and that i'm actually regressing back to books i read when i was fifteen.
i am such a spoilt, idiotic, mardy little cow today. anyone reading this blog who doesn't know me in real life, doesn't know that in reality i'm a silly, happy girl with no reason to be angry at the world must think i'm a right emo. which i am so totally not, i'm just having a nice little strop about 'how the world doesn't understand me!' *slit slit* bahaha. need space to vent, AAAARGH. vented. grumpy old woman will shut up and go back in her cage, not to be released for several weeks. it's just been a bad bad few days i guess where i get pissed off with everyone and then assume everyone's pissed off at me- which let's face it, quite a few people probably are! haha. it will be right, i'm going to wakefield tomorrow to see ryan and becky (and take lots of cheesy pictures) and being around them will quieten me down, i think i just need someone to shake me and tell me stop being such an idiot. thursday will roll around and i'll walk into college happy as larry as usual :) and i'll do a grace and delete this blog entry for being so damn whiny and annoying.
sorry guys, as i'm sure you're all probably aware, i am so not usually like this! being a mardy bum and self obsessed and woe-is-me isn't really my cup of tea these days (i have too much to worry about my friends at the moment without getting all sad myself :( ), i promise that the infamous sourire (new french word i learnt today, it means smile) will be back tomorrow, tongue between teeth and everything! in the mean time feel free to call me an emo, i'm sure i deserve it just this once.
nanight guys, sending a hug to anyone who might be feeling as tired and cross as i am right now!
victoria x
2) my stomach, hate hate hate almost as much as i dislike my face (so that's a great deal). no definition and it just jiggles about everywhere, has no tone whatsoever, and what's more i'm such a lazy shit that i cannae even be arsed to do anything about it.
3) my family or more specifically my brother- just because i am not out humping anything that moves, like you, does not make me a lesbian or a misfit, it just means i have standards that are hard to attain :). it pisses me off that i'm only seventeen and i'm already being seen as a failure for, oh gosh, not having a significant other, and that it's seen as odd to enjoy being single.
4) my wardrobe and how there seems to be nothing in it i want to wear anymore.
5) never having anything to do.
6) being so far away from fran and ryan nearly all the time when i literally need them to keep me sane sometimes.
7) bus timetables from hillam to just about everywhere, hate public transport, hate bus drivers.
8) the fact that i'm totally stupid and am likely to do shit in my a levels and not get in a good university and drop out of my degree and end up on the streets homeless except for the occasional cup of coffee bought by some kind old lady who thinks i'm a trampy man and i'll be a poor single-mother drug-addict by the time i'm 23, at which point some movie director will buy the rights to my story so i'll become a millionaire and maybe be slightly more cheerful.
9) not sleeping, like every night is supposed to be early night but i still find my brain whirring and ticking about until at least half twelve and then having to get up at the crack of dawn.
10) caring about people way too much and worrying about them too much, and when i'm exhausted about worrying about everyone else realizing i still have to worry about me.
11) being a perfectionist and not letting myself make mistakes- then beating myself up about it when i do.
12) the cold, i just want summer and sunshine and a beach where i can close my eyes and forget that everyone else apart from me exists.
13) how beautiful some people are- i mean i know beauty is skin deep and without wanting to sound all cocky, i like my personality (for the most part)- but seeing these girls with perfect faces and perfect hair just makes me want to scream. AARGH.
14) living in a village where the most exciting event to happen all year is the scarecrow festival, i kid you not.
15) the fact that i've lost all love for literature right now and that i'm actually regressing back to books i read when i was fifteen.
i am such a spoilt, idiotic, mardy little cow today. anyone reading this blog who doesn't know me in real life, doesn't know that in reality i'm a silly, happy girl with no reason to be angry at the world must think i'm a right emo. which i am so totally not, i'm just having a nice little strop about 'how the world doesn't understand me!' *slit slit* bahaha. need space to vent, AAAARGH. vented. grumpy old woman will shut up and go back in her cage, not to be released for several weeks. it's just been a bad bad few days i guess where i get pissed off with everyone and then assume everyone's pissed off at me- which let's face it, quite a few people probably are! haha. it will be right, i'm going to wakefield tomorrow to see ryan and becky (and take lots of cheesy pictures) and being around them will quieten me down, i think i just need someone to shake me and tell me stop being such an idiot. thursday will roll around and i'll walk into college happy as larry as usual :) and i'll do a grace and delete this blog entry for being so damn whiny and annoying.
sorry guys, as i'm sure you're all probably aware, i am so not usually like this! being a mardy bum and self obsessed and woe-is-me isn't really my cup of tea these days (i have too much to worry about my friends at the moment without getting all sad myself :( ), i promise that the infamous sourire (new french word i learnt today, it means smile) will be back tomorrow, tongue between teeth and everything! in the mean time feel free to call me an emo, i'm sure i deserve it just this once.
nanight guys, sending a hug to anyone who might be feeling as tired and cross as i am right now!
victoria x
Monday 26 January 2009
when i grew down.
okay so last night equalled major gigglefest. i found my old diary from when i was twelve and it's full of the most cringeworthy, cliched rubbish, you would not believe. i actually can't believe i was so stupid, some of the things i wrote actually nearly made me pee with laughter. so i thought i'd share a couple of the highlights for anyone interested- names have been changed to protect the innocent!
"it was my surprise party today. it was brilliant- the whole year was there. i almost cried when they presented me with my birthday present- a stuffed squirrel."
"OMG JAKE ACTUALLY SPOKE TO ME TODAY. i was sat on the bus writing on the window and he asked me what I was doing. SQUEALLLL!"
"Jake+Vicky=happy Vicky :) Jake-Vicky=sad Vicky :("
"i think sam is perty fit. but he's got jessica. bet she's a fucking bitch."
"i've not been myself the past couple of days, i've had a really bad stomach ache. i hope it's not meningitis."
"i would gladly live a life without boyfriends if it meant having my cat back"
"well it finally happened! alex kissed me! but now he's going out with alice. am so confused, but MY FIRST KISS. it wasn't very nice, he was all rough and i didn't feel special at all. but i am still absolutley INFATUATED."
"chris u were fine, wish u were mine, but u went and fucked off, U BORING DRIPPY TOFF!"
(i believe the above is my first ever poem... well you have to start somewhere!)
i moved through crushes and friends so quickly back then, a lot of the names mean hardly anything to me now except for maybe a fleeting memory. i even kept a list in the back of my diary of who i fancied and was friends with every month (which i won't post because some of the names are excrutiatingly embarrassing!). but it's actually nice to look back and see how much i've changed, and to be able to laugh about it. things seemed so horrible and complicated back then but now i realize that really i had the ordinary problems of any new teenage girl. but then, i expect in five years time i'll look back on this blog (if it's still floating around cyberspace) and think 'god i was a pretentious little twat who believed the whole world revolved round me'. i guess it's all relative and you learn more about yourself and the world the older you get. still, i'd love to meet my twelve year old self, just for a day, so i could laugh at her and give her a hug and promise her that things will get a hell of a lot better, but they'll never stop being complicated.
quick blog plug- my ubercool friend ben has started a blog, it's www.liesofthecity.blogspot.com. he's a lovely boy who plays the cello. i remember once my brother hacked into my msn and asked him out for me, that made things awkward for a few days haha. and then my beautiful facebook wife/husband (gender issues there) miss bee henshaw has also started a blog, because i begged her to. her's is www.aviolaisjustforchristmas.blogspot.com. so check them both out if you have a minute :)
anyway! it's maman's birthday and we're going out for pizza and i really need to figure out what to wear, i'm thinking blue sweater and gold and black metallic skirt, but hmmm!
a bientot, victoria x
"it was my surprise party today. it was brilliant- the whole year was there. i almost cried when they presented me with my birthday present- a stuffed squirrel."
"OMG JAKE ACTUALLY SPOKE TO ME TODAY. i was sat on the bus writing on the window and he asked me what I was doing. SQUEALLLL!"
"Jake+Vicky=happy Vicky :) Jake-Vicky=sad Vicky :("
"i think sam is perty fit. but he's got jessica. bet she's a fucking bitch."
"i've not been myself the past couple of days, i've had a really bad stomach ache. i hope it's not meningitis."
"i would gladly live a life without boyfriends if it meant having my cat back"
"well it finally happened! alex kissed me! but now he's going out with alice. am so confused, but MY FIRST KISS. it wasn't very nice, he was all rough and i didn't feel special at all. but i am still absolutley INFATUATED."
"chris u were fine, wish u were mine, but u went and fucked off, U BORING DRIPPY TOFF!"
(i believe the above is my first ever poem... well you have to start somewhere!)
i moved through crushes and friends so quickly back then, a lot of the names mean hardly anything to me now except for maybe a fleeting memory. i even kept a list in the back of my diary of who i fancied and was friends with every month (which i won't post because some of the names are excrutiatingly embarrassing!). but it's actually nice to look back and see how much i've changed, and to be able to laugh about it. things seemed so horrible and complicated back then but now i realize that really i had the ordinary problems of any new teenage girl. but then, i expect in five years time i'll look back on this blog (if it's still floating around cyberspace) and think 'god i was a pretentious little twat who believed the whole world revolved round me'. i guess it's all relative and you learn more about yourself and the world the older you get. still, i'd love to meet my twelve year old self, just for a day, so i could laugh at her and give her a hug and promise her that things will get a hell of a lot better, but they'll never stop being complicated.
quick blog plug- my ubercool friend ben has started a blog, it's www.liesofthecity.blogspot.com. he's a lovely boy who plays the cello. i remember once my brother hacked into my msn and asked him out for me, that made things awkward for a few days haha. and then my beautiful facebook wife/husband (gender issues there) miss bee henshaw has also started a blog, because i begged her to. her's is www.aviolaisjustforchristmas.blogspot.com. so check them both out if you have a minute :)
anyway! it's maman's birthday and we're going out for pizza and i really need to figure out what to wear, i'm thinking blue sweater and gold and black metallic skirt, but hmmm!
a bientot, victoria x
Saturday 24 January 2009
the news i have been waiting for
my obsession with the princes is at an all time high. william looks all manly and rugged with his beard, mmm, and HARRY HAS SPLIT UP WITH CHELSY. (check the bbc news website if you don't believe me). maybe i shall finally become royalty after all? (one day he WILL realize i exist.) oh dear god i need a new hobby...
i can't see further than my own nose at this moment
so yesterday was crazy day. i have them every so often. where everything just seems to be all crappy and stupid and worthless and it takes someone shaking me and telling me to stop being such an arsehole to make it better. i was talking to kathryn about it, after amy had managed to calm me down slightly from being in a general seething piss with the world, and i reckon it's because coming to college has made me so much happier that when i DO get in my occasional strop it hits me doubly hard. if that makes sense? probably not but since when did i ever make sense? i think it was just a general combination of being skint, having a really bad haircut and not filling my weekly quota of doritos that sent my brain a bit whack.
today's been much, much better thank goodness. driving lesson this morning which went surprisingly well. i managed to stop and start and steer the car (why are there so many st-s in driving?!) without killing anyone and i didn't come home threatening to quit, unlike last week. so it can only be an improvement. apart from that it's been a general day of nothingness except a quick trip to see grandmama and tante susan. it's funny but no matter how old i am, i still feel daunted by walking back from my grandma's in the dark. there's a wall across the street with a big wood behind it and i can always imagine little goblins watching me from the tree. and then next door to my grandma's house is the abandoned waterworks, sitting on a hill looking like some menacing haunted house with a half-expected ghostly girl grimacing out of the window. i still have to hold my breath and run past that, it's something to do with my phobia of mirrors and windows. i hate and cannot get used to having a mirror opposite my bed, if i ever have to get up in the middle of the night i have to actually run straight past it because i'm literally scared of my own reflection, i don't know, that it's going to come out and kill me or something. haha, i guess all the childhood stories about chanting bloody mary seven times in front of a mirror really affected me. same with windows- the curtains HAVE to be shut at night, couldn't do with waking up and seeing some old witch perving on me.
blegggg i feel so physically scratty at the moment, i'm having serious domestic issues with my hair and my face. one day i swear i will wake up and look like, i don't know, audrey hepburn or keira knightley or amy (it is so annoying having such gorgeous friends sometimes :P), AND i'll be six inches taller. until then i'll content myself by writing very silly poetry about how annoying it is having baby sized hands and ears and feet. i shouldn't complain, of everything i actually like my feet.
so i started watching pot luck (or l'auberge espagnole to give it its original french title). i have about half an hour left til the end, but all the way through i felt i was missing some big idea that was supposed to make the film really clever and funny like the reviews said it is. it just seemed a bit up its own arse, with directors and actors achingly aware of how 'hip' they were. i can't sympathise with any of the characters either, not even audrey tautou's martine who just seems really bland and one of those painfully irritating 'I MUST BE WITH MY BOYFRIEND 24 HOURS A DAY' kind of girl. i'll probably finish watching the film to see the ending, but i'm not expecting any miracles.
too many films i want to see at the moment, actually. benjamin button, the reader, revolutionary road, frost/nixon, arrrgh. i'm considering getting one of those cineworld cards, the amount of times i've been at the pictures recently. i'm becoming quite the little cinephile :)
i was hit with a very rare 'story inspiration' tonight, an idea that intrigues me so after i've finished this blog i might have a go at jotting some thoughts down. i haven't really ever written a decent story before (unless you count my 25 page teen romance opus written by my 13 year old self- even then i should have known better) and it's something i kind of want to have a stab at, so watch this space. i'll be letting you know how it goes.
victoria x
today's been much, much better thank goodness. driving lesson this morning which went surprisingly well. i managed to stop and start and steer the car (why are there so many st-s in driving?!) without killing anyone and i didn't come home threatening to quit, unlike last week. so it can only be an improvement. apart from that it's been a general day of nothingness except a quick trip to see grandmama and tante susan. it's funny but no matter how old i am, i still feel daunted by walking back from my grandma's in the dark. there's a wall across the street with a big wood behind it and i can always imagine little goblins watching me from the tree. and then next door to my grandma's house is the abandoned waterworks, sitting on a hill looking like some menacing haunted house with a half-expected ghostly girl grimacing out of the window. i still have to hold my breath and run past that, it's something to do with my phobia of mirrors and windows. i hate and cannot get used to having a mirror opposite my bed, if i ever have to get up in the middle of the night i have to actually run straight past it because i'm literally scared of my own reflection, i don't know, that it's going to come out and kill me or something. haha, i guess all the childhood stories about chanting bloody mary seven times in front of a mirror really affected me. same with windows- the curtains HAVE to be shut at night, couldn't do with waking up and seeing some old witch perving on me.
blegggg i feel so physically scratty at the moment, i'm having serious domestic issues with my hair and my face. one day i swear i will wake up and look like, i don't know, audrey hepburn or keira knightley or amy (it is so annoying having such gorgeous friends sometimes :P), AND i'll be six inches taller. until then i'll content myself by writing very silly poetry about how annoying it is having baby sized hands and ears and feet. i shouldn't complain, of everything i actually like my feet.
so i started watching pot luck (or l'auberge espagnole to give it its original french title). i have about half an hour left til the end, but all the way through i felt i was missing some big idea that was supposed to make the film really clever and funny like the reviews said it is. it just seemed a bit up its own arse, with directors and actors achingly aware of how 'hip' they were. i can't sympathise with any of the characters either, not even audrey tautou's martine who just seems really bland and one of those painfully irritating 'I MUST BE WITH MY BOYFRIEND 24 HOURS A DAY' kind of girl. i'll probably finish watching the film to see the ending, but i'm not expecting any miracles.
too many films i want to see at the moment, actually. benjamin button, the reader, revolutionary road, frost/nixon, arrrgh. i'm considering getting one of those cineworld cards, the amount of times i've been at the pictures recently. i'm becoming quite the little cinephile :)
i was hit with a very rare 'story inspiration' tonight, an idea that intrigues me so after i've finished this blog i might have a go at jotting some thoughts down. i haven't really ever written a decent story before (unless you count my 25 page teen romance opus written by my 13 year old self- even then i should have known better) and it's something i kind of want to have a stab at, so watch this space. i'll be letting you know how it goes.
victoria x
Thursday 22 January 2009
blairoholics anonymous
*goes into dreamlike trance* if i could have looked as hot as this in a school uniform, i swear i would have stayed at the girls' high. that's right, it's back and i am already hooked (how predictable). series two of gossip girl, which i have been looking forward to since...forever. okay slight exaggeration, but a long time. as predicted, my darling blair did not dissapoint. how hot was her outfit at the white party? although serena's dress just pipped it to the post, along with the best hairstyle i have ever seen in a gossip girl episode. speaking of serena... eeek! how happy am i that her and dan are back together? very, very- although something tells me the happiness isn't to last. i'm already counting down the days until next week's episode. oh blair waldorf. how easy life would be if i was you... *snaps out of trance*hello everyone, sorry for that brief interruption! i am beyond absolutly knackered right now, i've reached the point where you're so tired that you feel wired. all thanks to amy and liv for keeping me up until 2 in the morning :D although we did have a good time at aerobics. sadly any hopes for a miraculous increase in my co-ordination were soon quashed so i just sort of bopped around and punched the air whilst liv and amy did complicated moves like 'grapevine' and 'square'. one day i WILL find a sport at which i can excel and become olympic standard. even if it's chess.
i'm so glad it's friday tomorrow, this week has gone by so slowly and really i just need some sleep. i'm planning to do nothing all weekend- my plans to go to a gig tomorrow night have been pretty much scuppered thanks to my never-ending skintness. i'm in the early stages of planning a charity- RSNMNV, the Royal Society (chief patron: The Queen) for the Nurturing of the Materialistic Needs of Victoria. All donations welcome to this very worthy cause, expect tear-inducing adverts on your telly any day now. i really wish i still worked at lush, i was thinking about how much i missed it today. it was the perfect job, selling (and getting to use!) products that i love, making customers feel great and putting smiles on their faces, and working with some really cool people who i actually do miss. i might beg for my job back when summer rolls around, god knows i'm in there badgering them often enough :) if anyone is ever looking for a job, i couldn't recommend working in lush more (the leeds one anyway!). it was the best bloody thing about my summer, i'll tell you that.
listening to mumford and sons right now. i don't know the lead singer's name but his voice is making me slightly emotional, and that is a VERY rare occurence so they must be a bit special. they're playing city screen basement in york 6th feb and i'm going to organise a gathering, or at least try. if no one wants to go, i will go on my own and look all cultured in the crowd. i still haven't forgiven my friends for not wanting to come see glasvegas in castleford last year and look how famous they are now. they will never come to cas vegas again, and i missed my chance! grrr.
okay so i've just watched the first episode of skins, and i'm having very mixed feelings. now i never was one of those "omfrrickinggod why have you got rid of the old cast" people, i was really looking forward to the new cast. and for the most part, i quite like the new cast. naomi (the blonde girl) and emily (the quiet twin) seem very intruiging, i think they're my favourites so far. however, the other twin, katie, cannot act to save her life. i'm sorry but in my opinion that was gcse drama grade C standard, not good enough for a show with a reputation like skins. i'm thinking already that they might do an anwar on her next series-realise she can't act and then cut her out of most of it. effy of course stood out, but to be fair to the other members of the cast, she's had an extra 2 years experience. one thing i didn't like was the amount of 'slapstick' humour. with a few exceptions, series one of skins was very understated when it came to humour with a lot of the characters, i felt this episode was slightly dumbed down. the stresshead teacher is not realistic at all, it's basically taking angie from series one and brechtifying her. however, i'm not going to be all negative- the preview for the rest of the series looks IMMENSE. me and our william were both sat there squealing- william more about seeing effy shag someone to be honest. bless fifteen year olds. he now thinks that all college students spend their time in the corridors taking drugs and having sex in the toilets. i had to tell him that sadly that's untrue, his little face broke my heart.
so, much as i'd like to write something interesting or relevant and prove that i'm not a boring old fart, i'm far too tired to even put my words together properly. bed time for me i think. i hope mr sandman is kind!
victoria x
I ran away
I could not take the burden of both me and you
It was too fast
Casting love on me as if it were a spell I could not break
When it was a promise I could not make
- from 'hold on to what you believe', mumford and sons, mmmmm yummy.
Tuesday 20 January 2009
the demon blogger of main street
oh i am so having nightmares tonight. just watched sweeney todd, courtesy of harri (of harri-hate fame), and i actually can't get the image of alan rickman's slashed throat out of my mind. i've never been much of a blood-and-guts girl, i love a good old riveting ghost story but when it comes to all things gory i have a pretty weak stomach. i admit, i did have to bite a cushion at the first sign of blood... and my mum did run in to ask me why i was wailing... and i now have two broken nails after some very anxious nibbling! but i still managed to sit through what i thought was a very good film.for a start, helena bonham carter is just wow wow wow. i've been a major fan of hers ever since she played the perfect anne boleyn back in errrm 2002 maybe? she has this rare quality which just makes me magnatised to her everytime she's on screen, and she had the whole victorian gothic chic thing down to perfection. i liked the complexity of her character as well- unlike sweeney, mrs lovett actually seemed to be wrestling with her conscience which was very interesting to watch. alan rickman as well, what a cracker. i know that he is given the part of the token villian in nearly every film (except sense and sensibility where he played one of my favourite austen heroines, colonel brandon) but damn it it's not surprising when he's got that smouldering sneering voice going on. i actually hate with a passion every character that he plays, in the best possible way. timothy spall was pretty good as well, although his face just makes me LOL. i know that's a bit harsh but it's something about the teeth... he reminds me of a rat.
johnny depp was good also, although to say it was 'his' film, he didn't stand out to me that much. i think sometimes he has a bit of a tendency to over-act things, i don't identify with his characters as much. i also felt that sweeney's character was a little one dimensional in itself. i have to say though, in johnny's favour, the final scene in the bake-house was AMAZING, the way he swung from mood to mood, calmness to hysteria, and then just broke down over a batch of bloody bodies. riveting stuff.
i'm becoming a little bit obsessed with lovely cinematography after watching a very long engagement, and this didn't disappoint. i loved the blue tint on everything, making the whole film seem slightly surreal (i actually didn't know it's based on a true story!)- i also loved the fact that even as mrs lovett daydreamt about her and sweeney's future her and sweeney were still portrayed as greying compared to the rest of the scene, i think it showed their inner corruptness. the songs were brilliant as well, my favourite being the gentle 'joanna' as sweeney cut everyone's throats, the irony did make me chuckle. oh dear i'm not too great with being clever about cinema! but i think i'd say ****. wasn't my favourite tim burton (nightmare before christmas please! although everyone HAS to say that) but it beat some- corpse bride i'm talking to you.
speaking of tim burton, mega eek excited about his alice which is coming out sometime later this year i think. i'm determined to go down to oxford where all the alice shops are and where lewis carroll met alice liddell. i might also have a look at the uni and remind myself of where i could have been aiming for, had i tried a bit harder in my gcses. oh i shouldn't be so pedantic about these things, i was never going to get more than a B in maths anyway so... i'm going to stop thinking about uni now because stressing already about what to write on my personal statement is doing my head in.
aerobics with the bland and liv tomorrow, how exciting, can't wait to don me trackies, it's been a while since i did any excersize and frankly i'm puzzled as to how i've still not managed to end up on one of those "half ton girl" documentaries, one of these days my metabolism is going to fail and i will wake up 50 stone. i look forward to it, it will give me an excuse to stay in bed and not move all day. and the fashionista in me is also singing out for joy as GOSSIP GIRL SERIES TWO STARTS TOMORROW. i repeat GOSSIP GIRL, possible the most fash-gasmic programme out there. oh jenny humphery, how i wish i was you with your cute little hair bands and coloured tights. i think i might actually cry with happiness when it starts, i've had to survive with just the series one boxset since september and it's been a long long wait!
anyway it's a bit of a disjointed blog again but i'm tired and my fingers are hurting from typing so much and biting my nails! so until next time :)
victoria x
Monday 19 January 2009
talking trash under your breath
ode to my first love, or the sins of sauvignon blanc
he sits there, too smug and serene
there is light which shimmers from him, reflecting my thirsty eyes
i pour him in and wait for a kick in the teeth
he is my literal drug, he is my laughter and he is my tears
he is my phone call at midnight, he is my regretful morning after
he is a bucket, he is my slathered hair slapping my face as i curse my stomach
he is my mother's disapproval but he is the apple that didn't fall far from my father's tree
i am shaking limbs, hot clammy hands, thudding beats and 'where the fuck are ryan and fran i can't see them across this dancefloor'
i am dizzy eyes, dizzy feet and 'oh my god i hate my life, why am i here, please take me home'
i am a dress that rips, a mouth ripe for another, and 'taxi taxi, there's a girl who's pissed'
saturday morning and he is obstinatly empty
just glaring at me for my friday mistakes.
how depressing: i write better poetry (albeit only slightly better) drunk than i do sober. my literary pursuits are just laughable. i'm really quite tired now and not in the best mood in the world for reasons i won't go into because i never wanted this blog to be a place where i could channel my inner-emo. i don't even have an inner-emo, i'm just basically happy all the time, which is why on the rare occasions when i'm not, like today, i feel really pissed off. and then i get mad at myself for being pissed off because really i don't even have a good reason, i just feel useless and talentless. and i can't even be arsed with trying to write an interesting blog because right now i don't have anything of note to say, and even if i did i'm not really sure that anyone would care.
i promise i'll be happier tomorrow. reading sarra manning (guilty teen fiction pleasure alert) is cheering me up already.
victoria, x
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